It has been a while since my last post and I realize I have been slacking when it comes to this whole blog thing, but let me reassure you all that there are great reasons why.
When we started Single Moms Fresh Start 2 and a half years ago I had a vision of what this could be and how far it could go. I was so determined to see that vision become a reality and although we have come so far in 2 and half years I have gotten quite discouraged many times along the way.
See I am very impatient and impulsive and when things don't move quickly enough for me I begin to think that it will never happen and that gives me a bit of a set back. I begin to wonder if it will ever happen and I lose my drive and motivation to continue.
This winter was the worst of it for me I think. I was trying to register Single Moms Fresh Start as a recognized not for profit in the province of Ontario. I was taking all the right steps to do so but there was so much that I still did not know about running this type of organization. I finally submitted all the paper work necessary and waited for a response.
March 31, 2015 we finally got our registration in the mail and boy did that kick my drive and motivation in to gear 10 fold. Looking at that piece of paper was like seeing that light bulb in my head light up to the brightest it could possibly be. It was time to use this to its ability and get the ball rolling on turning my dream into a reality.
Being on the news and joining the panel on The Agenda was a great step for me but having a registration made this a reality. I began to look for connections to assist with the moms I have been helping. I went on a search for a family lawyer that could assist with legal advice and even posting some blog posts for educational purposes for our readers and clients of SMFS because I found that a lot of the questions I get are surrounding custody and support and although I have a ton of experience I am no lawyer and therefore can not provide concrete legal advice. I found a wonderful young woman in Toronto who was willing to meet with me and discuss some opportunities to work with our organization. When we met she was very willing to assist our clients who reside in the GTA and was happy to provide anyone with a free 30 min consultation for legal advice. As most know the legal aspects of a separation involving kids might be the most tedious. Its so overwhelming to create a custody and support order and no one knows where to start or how to go about doing it. Most don't want to bother because it seems to be too much work and headaches along the way. For everyone who comes to me looking for support and wanting to take advantage of our services my first form of advice to them is to always have a custody order in place. It is the safest thing to have to protect yourself and your children. It also allows a fair access agreement for the other party to see their children and be involved in their children's lives if they are willing to cooperate. That part is easy if both parties want the same thing, which would always be in the best interest of the children. It is when there is a disagreement that things get messy and that is where our lawyer, Melissa Stamkos of Garffin Zeidenberg LLP will come in. I know 30 minutes may not sound like a lot but when you are at a loss with your legal custody and support order and how to go about taking the next step into legal actions those 30 minutes could be just the relief you need during that extremely stressful time. If anyone in the GTA is in need of legal advice please email me at info@singlemomsfreshstart.org and I can pass along Melissa's information for you.
We have also teamed up with a dental clinic in Toronto. Sarah and Josh Resnick run their own practice and Sarah reached out to me one day wanting to give back to Single Moms Fresh Start the best way she could. She spoke with her husband Josh who is a Dentist and they both agreed to provide free cleanings and emergency dental work to our clients that are in need. So far I have been able to send 4 clients to them and they have been nothing but wonderful in assisting with their needs at no charge. There are some beautiful and selfless people in this world and only while starting this organization had I realized how many there are out there wanting to help.
Currently I have been trying to register the organization as a charity and that way we can begin to apply for government funded grants to start up an office and begin parenting seminars. We have successfully built a board of directions and on the board are a group of wonderful single mothers that can bring forth both their knowledge and education to better this organization and assist in building it from the ground up.
I have been able to educate myself further on grant writing so that I can begin to write and apply for grants that are offered here in Ontario for Not for Profits like ours. In the near future we are planning to open an office in the GTA and begin to provide services that are being requested from all our wonderful followers and clients. We want to be able to facilitate seminars that can benefit all single parents and assist in eliminating depression, isolation, and poverty among single parent households. We want to build up our clients and make sure they are the most confident and strongest members of society. With an office we can provide those seminars and have a separate room for child minding so that each parent can feel comfortable attending the seminars knowing their children are at arms length away if they are needed. We want to provide services such as counselling, resume building, education courses on applications for jobs, second career education, university or college and of course continue to provide donations such as clothing, furniture and diapers. We want to give single mothers a chance to start over. After all we are all just looking for a fresh start. We want to have babysitting clubs, social events that single parents can attend with child minding provided, dinners, fundraising events, the list goes on and the possibilities are endless we just need to continue to receive the support of all of you and carry this dream to the very end one day at a time.
If you are in need of any support please don't hesitate to contact me at info@singlemomsfreshstart.org. Check out our website www.singlemomsfreshstart.org. Like our Facebook page www.facebook.com/SingleMomsFreshStart, and please keep reading our blogs.
We will continue to update everyone as we continue to grow and flourish making this the best organization for single mothers in and around the Greater Toronto Area.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Anxiety in Children. What Does It Look Like?
This blog topic is very close to my heart and is the first time I am going public with my sons recent diagnosis.
Children under the age of 5 usually present with generalized anxiety. What does that look like? Usually it presents when a child may be separated from their parents, the tantrums that are more on an extreme level are children displaying emotion that they are not aware of and displaying it in the form of anxiety. When a child develops more cognitively they begin to specify their anxiety. Around the age of 7-9 is when you can see that the anxiety branches off and becomes more specific such as Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour which is a mental illness directly related to anxiety.
Over the course of the last year I had notice that Ben became consistant on some of his routines and that things needed to be in certain places. At the start of the school year he began a "ritual" of saying he put something in his mouth and asking if it was ok, I had to answer with "yes, its ok" or he would become very uncomfortable. This became very persistent and began to affect him at home, at school and at Dads house. It wasn't until he started to wash his hands so consistently and insistently that I began to question if this behaviour was actually "normal" for a 5 year old. When he asked me if "it was ok" I started to ask him why he is asking that question, his response was this "Because if I don't ask I am scared that I am going to die." This response never changed. Now, if there wasn't a fear attached to these questions than I would not have questioned this behaviour but because the fear was so excessive I had to talk to someone.
Being in the helping field with a few psychology courses under my belt I realized that my 5 year old was presenting quite clearly with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I spoke to his paediatrician who thought it may be a good idea to seek some assistance on the psychology side of things.
I went for a walk in session at ROCK which is a resource centre for children in Halton. They immediately set up an intake with a child psychologist and with in weeks of our first meeting Ben was in fact diagnosed with OCD as well as an accompanied tick disorder.
I realize that some parents out there may feel as though I am "labelling" my child but a 5 year old being scared of dying from a simple toy entering his mouth is quite serious in my opinion and if the help is available for him to work past this and get a hold of it why would I not seek the proper assistance that he needs.
We are about to begin cognitive behaviour therapy with him, although he may not take to it completely without being fully cognitively developed yet we are going to attempt to do what we can with this form of treatment. It is extremely rare for a 5 year old to present so clearly with OCD and not just generalized anxiety so the treatment that is available for children with OCD is usually at a higher cognitive level.
I will write another post with our progress and what Cognitive Behaviour Therapy looks like.
If any moms out there have any questions about their children behaviour or anxiety please feel free to leave a note or you can email us at info@singlemomsfreshstart.org. I would be happy to answer any questions or concerns you may have and point you in the right direction.
Children under the age of 5 usually present with generalized anxiety. What does that look like? Usually it presents when a child may be separated from their parents, the tantrums that are more on an extreme level are children displaying emotion that they are not aware of and displaying it in the form of anxiety. When a child develops more cognitively they begin to specify their anxiety. Around the age of 7-9 is when you can see that the anxiety branches off and becomes more specific such as Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour which is a mental illness directly related to anxiety.
Over the course of the last year I had notice that Ben became consistant on some of his routines and that things needed to be in certain places. At the start of the school year he began a "ritual" of saying he put something in his mouth and asking if it was ok, I had to answer with "yes, its ok" or he would become very uncomfortable. This became very persistent and began to affect him at home, at school and at Dads house. It wasn't until he started to wash his hands so consistently and insistently that I began to question if this behaviour was actually "normal" for a 5 year old. When he asked me if "it was ok" I started to ask him why he is asking that question, his response was this "Because if I don't ask I am scared that I am going to die." This response never changed. Now, if there wasn't a fear attached to these questions than I would not have questioned this behaviour but because the fear was so excessive I had to talk to someone.
Being in the helping field with a few psychology courses under my belt I realized that my 5 year old was presenting quite clearly with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I spoke to his paediatrician who thought it may be a good idea to seek some assistance on the psychology side of things.
I went for a walk in session at ROCK which is a resource centre for children in Halton. They immediately set up an intake with a child psychologist and with in weeks of our first meeting Ben was in fact diagnosed with OCD as well as an accompanied tick disorder.
I realize that some parents out there may feel as though I am "labelling" my child but a 5 year old being scared of dying from a simple toy entering his mouth is quite serious in my opinion and if the help is available for him to work past this and get a hold of it why would I not seek the proper assistance that he needs.
We are about to begin cognitive behaviour therapy with him, although he may not take to it completely without being fully cognitively developed yet we are going to attempt to do what we can with this form of treatment. It is extremely rare for a 5 year old to present so clearly with OCD and not just generalized anxiety so the treatment that is available for children with OCD is usually at a higher cognitive level.
I will write another post with our progress and what Cognitive Behaviour Therapy looks like.
If any moms out there have any questions about their children behaviour or anxiety please feel free to leave a note or you can email us at info@singlemomsfreshstart.org. I would be happy to answer any questions or concerns you may have and point you in the right direction.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
I AM a FEMINIST but that doesn't make me a "Man Hater"!
We started this blog almost 2 years ago to the day. In those 2 years I have been asked on numerous occasions if I am a feminist. When approached about this topic and asked this question people are asking in a very judgemental way as if being a feminist is a horrible thing. The reason our group and organization is focus on single MOTHERS is because that is who we, as single mothers relate to and those single mothers in need of support can relate more to us on a personal level thus making it easier to assist with their needs. A single mother and a single father are very very different and both require different support. Although we have and we can assist a single father with certain needs we tend to focus more on single mothers for those reasons.
So back to being a feminist, while being asked on numerous occasions if I am a feminist I always feel the need to defend myself because of the way I am constantly approached about it. I feel the need to explain why we focus on single mothers and in reality I should be supporting feminism because I am a female and you know what? I believe in equality for women and women's rights, I believe that each women should be heard as well as seen, I believe women have the right to an equal pay cheque and education as men do, I believe that women are strong, beautiful and independent. By believing in this do I hate men? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! By being a feminist do I degrade the male population?? NO!!!! By standing up and believing that women should have equal rights I am simply being on the side of my gender and support women who do not have equality in this world.
So for those of you who are wondering I AM A FEMINIST!!!!! My question today is why should we label such as feminists? All women everywhere should stand up for one another and support each other. There should not be a label on that, that is our right and our nature. We care, we love, we nurture, we grow, we work, we educate and we support each other.
You don't have to be a feminist to understand that women are still not treated with the same respect as men and although the world has become a much more acceptable place when it comes to gender roles and rights we still have a lot of work to do.
Next time I am approached about this topic I will no longer feel the need to defend myself because I am a strong, hard working independent woman and I am lucky enough to be in the position I am today and ALL women deserve to be treated the same!!!!
BE A FEMINIST WITHOUT THE LABEL!!! Be proud of who you are!
-Staci SMFS
Monday, December 1, 2014
The Book
I love to write, you can probably tell by the long drawn out blogs that I post on occasion. My brain always has so much to say and the words are sent to my finger tips. I have written poetry as a dark, sad teenager but when I saw a brighter light in my early 20s I stopped writing.
I have been told that I have exceptional writing skills (no to toot my own horn) but my grammer could definitely use some tweaking. I should just hire an editor full time! I once had a psychic tell me that I would one day write a best seller if I sat and concentrated on writing.
As far back as I could remember I have always dreamed of writing. My dad wrote pages and pages of poetry and it was always so inspirational to me. Writing is a passion and that is why Single Moms Fresh Start started as a blog. So we can share experiences and stories through our writing.
We started Single Moms Fresh Start almost 2 years ago, December 21st 2012 to be exact, and I have learned so much in those two years. Probably more then I have in my entire life time. I have heard stories, some very similar to one another and others that could make your jaw drop. All about single parenting and the experiences, the joy, the pain, the heartache, the worry, and the unconditional love that comes along with it. I have a lot to say about being a single mother in Ontario, being raised by a Single mother in Ontario and all the support and lack of support that is provided for us throughout our journey as single parents. I think with all my knowledge, experience (personal and outside) and my passion I could write a book for single mothers to relate to, laugh to, cry to and really hold close to their hearts because this book would be so raw, so open, so real, so alive and most importantly every single mother would be able to relate to it. This book would be the "Unofficial Guide to Single Motherhood". (copyright 2014)
I have decided that while I continue to try and open an office here in Toronto and continue to help single mothers in need I will dedicate my time to writing a pretty bad ass book for all us single mothers out there that struggle too much, love too hard and dedicate our entire life to raising another human being. Dedicated to all of you, for all of you!
I will keep you all updated as I plow through this next chapter (no pun intended) and would love to publish some of your quotes, stories and bits and pieces of your lives.
Each chapter I start I will blog about in hopes to get some people contributing. Because after all this is a book from our group Single Moms Fresh Start and what better way to write then to write for and with all of you!
I have already started with an Introduction chapter about my story, who I am and why I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to dedicate my life to helping and supporting single moms.
Stay Tuned my SMFS supporters!!!!
- Staci
I have been told that I have exceptional writing skills (no to toot my own horn) but my grammer could definitely use some tweaking. I should just hire an editor full time! I once had a psychic tell me that I would one day write a best seller if I sat and concentrated on writing.
As far back as I could remember I have always dreamed of writing. My dad wrote pages and pages of poetry and it was always so inspirational to me. Writing is a passion and that is why Single Moms Fresh Start started as a blog. So we can share experiences and stories through our writing.
We started Single Moms Fresh Start almost 2 years ago, December 21st 2012 to be exact, and I have learned so much in those two years. Probably more then I have in my entire life time. I have heard stories, some very similar to one another and others that could make your jaw drop. All about single parenting and the experiences, the joy, the pain, the heartache, the worry, and the unconditional love that comes along with it. I have a lot to say about being a single mother in Ontario, being raised by a Single mother in Ontario and all the support and lack of support that is provided for us throughout our journey as single parents. I think with all my knowledge, experience (personal and outside) and my passion I could write a book for single mothers to relate to, laugh to, cry to and really hold close to their hearts because this book would be so raw, so open, so real, so alive and most importantly every single mother would be able to relate to it. This book would be the "Unofficial Guide to Single Motherhood". (copyright 2014)
I have decided that while I continue to try and open an office here in Toronto and continue to help single mothers in need I will dedicate my time to writing a pretty bad ass book for all us single mothers out there that struggle too much, love too hard and dedicate our entire life to raising another human being. Dedicated to all of you, for all of you!
I will keep you all updated as I plow through this next chapter (no pun intended) and would love to publish some of your quotes, stories and bits and pieces of your lives.
Each chapter I start I will blog about in hopes to get some people contributing. Because after all this is a book from our group Single Moms Fresh Start and what better way to write then to write for and with all of you!
I have already started with an Introduction chapter about my story, who I am and why I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to dedicate my life to helping and supporting single moms.
Stay Tuned my SMFS supporters!!!!
- Staci
Monday, November 24, 2014
TVOs The Agenda- Child Support/FRO
We have come a long way since 2012. Myself and Victoria has done 2 separate interviews on CBC news in regards to child support and FRO.
After those interviews were conducted and aired, I was contacted by TVO to be a part of a panel on The Agenda representing Single Moms Fresh Start. The topic is Child Support and Fro. There will be myself, a single father, a family lawyer and Winnipeg's CBC producer whom wrote the article on "DeadBeat Dads".
The show is being recorded on Wednesday morning at 11am on November 26th and will be aired that same day at 8pm.
I discussed some questions and answers that will be asked of me during the segment and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that some of you will have some in put.
1) At what point in a separation do people turn to an organization like yours for support?
A: I have worked with single mothers for 2 years now and being one myself I have noticed that typically people begin to reach out when the separation has been finalized either by the courts or by the other party moving out of the shared home.
2) Your services seem to be specifically aimed at single mothers, will you or have you helped single fathers? Do yo believe your organization could assist single fathers if they were to come to you for support?
A: We are 4 single mothers and that is all we know. Single mothers with full or joint custody and single fathers that have only joint custody or access experience separation and parenting very differently. We have helped single fathers in the past, mostly those who have sole custody of their children but our website provides resources that are beneficial for anyone experiencing separation and single parenthood. If a single father was in need of assistance we would be more then happy to help them with their needs. Our future goal is to hire a single father willing to help other single fathers that when they are in need of specific services they can relate more to the person helping them. Single fathers may find it difficult to relate to 4 single mothers when searching for specific services.
3) Do you notice any improvements over the years with FRO?
A: Unfortunately the clients I work with are the ones struggling with FRO and have been for quite some time. I would however like to say that each case worker has hundreds of case files and is likely struggling to attempt to assist with yours especially those who have a payee who are not willing to pay their support or have disappeared. Statistics state that FRO is under staffed and cases continue to pile up. With the payees willing to pay, FRO is fast and efficient and as long as all the proper documentation is in place there are no issues when it comes to retrieving those payments, but for those who are not willing to pay their support the process is long and the paper work is tedious. I would also like to make it clear that the only person or people that suffer when support is not being paid on time are the children. These children are in greater risk of living in poverty and if there was a way to prevent that then why aren't we doing everything possible to do so?
Note: The Single Father on the Panel states: Minister Jasek was impressed by the fact that FRO has started impounding the support payers cars if support is not being paid as a measure to get that support payment. William believes that the measure is harsh because some of the payees are on social assistance and need their car to apply for jobs and so on.
My Argument: How can they afford their car on social assistance but can not afford to pay their support? Gas costs a lot of money here in Ontario. If they are looking for a job why haven’t they found one yet? Where did they get the money for the car? And don’t most cities in Ontario have a transit system? Why would someone need a car if they can not afford to pay support? If they can afford to drive a car in Ontario dont you think they can afford to pay their child support? Also, why should the support payer who is not paying support be entitled to drive when most recipients who are not receiving support are solely supporting their children and most are working 2-3 jobs just to pay the household bills and the majority do not own or drive a car but rely on public transit. Is that fair?
4) If you could make one improvement to FRO what would it be?
A: 1) Treat child support like a credit card, if the payments are not made the support should go into a type of collection where it begins to effect the persons credit. After all if they are not paying support what would they need a mortgage, credit card or car loan for? They cant afford support they cant afford the luxuries of having good credit. 2) People working under the table and hiding their income as well as not paying taxes should be investigated and if the recipient can find information through emails or Facebook they should be liable in court. 3) Payee should be mandated to show bank statements and credit ratings. Bank account information should be mandated and so should automatic withdrawls. National student loan services collects each and every students bank account information and 6 months after graduation they automatically begin to withdraw the monthly amount owed for the graduates student loans. If the national student loan services can do it than why can't FRO? Payees shouldn't have a choice of payment options. It should either be taken from their accounts on te first of every month or garnished off their pay checks each month.
If you have any comments to this or think that you have an answer you could add to this please share it with me by commenting on this blog post or on our Facebook page. Please add the question number to your response and how you would answer it differently.
TUNE IN on Wednesday November 26th, 2014 at 8pm on TVO's The Agenda. I will be participating in a Twitter chat after the show airs where everyone can discuss their opinions on this topic so if you are a twitter user look out for the chat link on or after the show!!!
Staci
After those interviews were conducted and aired, I was contacted by TVO to be a part of a panel on The Agenda representing Single Moms Fresh Start. The topic is Child Support and Fro. There will be myself, a single father, a family lawyer and Winnipeg's CBC producer whom wrote the article on "DeadBeat Dads".
The show is being recorded on Wednesday morning at 11am on November 26th and will be aired that same day at 8pm.
I discussed some questions and answers that will be asked of me during the segment and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that some of you will have some in put.
1) At what point in a separation do people turn to an organization like yours for support?
A: I have worked with single mothers for 2 years now and being one myself I have noticed that typically people begin to reach out when the separation has been finalized either by the courts or by the other party moving out of the shared home.
2) Your services seem to be specifically aimed at single mothers, will you or have you helped single fathers? Do yo believe your organization could assist single fathers if they were to come to you for support?
A: We are 4 single mothers and that is all we know. Single mothers with full or joint custody and single fathers that have only joint custody or access experience separation and parenting very differently. We have helped single fathers in the past, mostly those who have sole custody of their children but our website provides resources that are beneficial for anyone experiencing separation and single parenthood. If a single father was in need of assistance we would be more then happy to help them with their needs. Our future goal is to hire a single father willing to help other single fathers that when they are in need of specific services they can relate more to the person helping them. Single fathers may find it difficult to relate to 4 single mothers when searching for specific services.
3) Do you notice any improvements over the years with FRO?
A: Unfortunately the clients I work with are the ones struggling with FRO and have been for quite some time. I would however like to say that each case worker has hundreds of case files and is likely struggling to attempt to assist with yours especially those who have a payee who are not willing to pay their support or have disappeared. Statistics state that FRO is under staffed and cases continue to pile up. With the payees willing to pay, FRO is fast and efficient and as long as all the proper documentation is in place there are no issues when it comes to retrieving those payments, but for those who are not willing to pay their support the process is long and the paper work is tedious. I would also like to make it clear that the only person or people that suffer when support is not being paid on time are the children. These children are in greater risk of living in poverty and if there was a way to prevent that then why aren't we doing everything possible to do so?
Note: The Single Father on the Panel states: Minister Jasek was impressed by the fact that FRO has started impounding the support payers cars if support is not being paid as a measure to get that support payment. William believes that the measure is harsh because some of the payees are on social assistance and need their car to apply for jobs and so on.
My Argument: How can they afford their car on social assistance but can not afford to pay their support? Gas costs a lot of money here in Ontario. If they are looking for a job why haven’t they found one yet? Where did they get the money for the car? And don’t most cities in Ontario have a transit system? Why would someone need a car if they can not afford to pay support? If they can afford to drive a car in Ontario dont you think they can afford to pay their child support? Also, why should the support payer who is not paying support be entitled to drive when most recipients who are not receiving support are solely supporting their children and most are working 2-3 jobs just to pay the household bills and the majority do not own or drive a car but rely on public transit. Is that fair?
4) If you could make one improvement to FRO what would it be?
A: 1) Treat child support like a credit card, if the payments are not made the support should go into a type of collection where it begins to effect the persons credit. After all if they are not paying support what would they need a mortgage, credit card or car loan for? They cant afford support they cant afford the luxuries of having good credit. 2) People working under the table and hiding their income as well as not paying taxes should be investigated and if the recipient can find information through emails or Facebook they should be liable in court. 3) Payee should be mandated to show bank statements and credit ratings. Bank account information should be mandated and so should automatic withdrawls. National student loan services collects each and every students bank account information and 6 months after graduation they automatically begin to withdraw the monthly amount owed for the graduates student loans. If the national student loan services can do it than why can't FRO? Payees shouldn't have a choice of payment options. It should either be taken from their accounts on te first of every month or garnished off their pay checks each month.
If you have any comments to this or think that you have an answer you could add to this please share it with me by commenting on this blog post or on our Facebook page. Please add the question number to your response and how you would answer it differently.
TUNE IN on Wednesday November 26th, 2014 at 8pm on TVO's The Agenda. I will be participating in a Twitter chat after the show airs where everyone can discuss their opinions on this topic so if you are a twitter user look out for the chat link on or after the show!!!
Staci
Sunday, October 5, 2014
OUR WEBSITE WENT LIVE!!!!
So, for the past 2 years we have had a vision of how we wanted our website to look. We went to a graphic designer to get it all done up but turned out he was too expensive for our very empty pockets.
We then turned to Go Daddy, which is a great start up if you want something small and basic and we definitely were not looking for small and basic. We wanted links to government websites, legal aid, subsidized daycare, housing. We wanted to provide discussion boards for single moms to connect with one another and a "free cycle" where you can post donations you may have for other single mothers in need such as clothing and baby items. Go Daddy could not provide that for us and our year subscription eventually expired.
After our interview on CBC news and Victoria's live radio interview, we decided that we needed our website back up and running and to revamp it. A lovely woman reached out to my request on a group called Pink and Blue and constructed our new website in 24 hours. It has access to our blog and Facebook page, discussion boards, a "freecycle" for parents to exchange clothing and items they no longer need, links to resources such as government websites, child care subsidy, housing, legal aid and much much more.
We would love for you all to go check out our website and tell us what you think. We are steps closer to our goal of registering Single Moms Fresh Start as a not for profit charity with the Ontario government and to begin to provide many more services to mothers in need in and around the GTA.
www.singlemomsfreshstart.org
We then turned to Go Daddy, which is a great start up if you want something small and basic and we definitely were not looking for small and basic. We wanted links to government websites, legal aid, subsidized daycare, housing. We wanted to provide discussion boards for single moms to connect with one another and a "free cycle" where you can post donations you may have for other single mothers in need such as clothing and baby items. Go Daddy could not provide that for us and our year subscription eventually expired.
After our interview on CBC news and Victoria's live radio interview, we decided that we needed our website back up and running and to revamp it. A lovely woman reached out to my request on a group called Pink and Blue and constructed our new website in 24 hours. It has access to our blog and Facebook page, discussion boards, a "freecycle" for parents to exchange clothing and items they no longer need, links to resources such as government websites, child care subsidy, housing, legal aid and much much more.
We would love for you all to go check out our website and tell us what you think. We are steps closer to our goal of registering Single Moms Fresh Start as a not for profit charity with the Ontario government and to begin to provide many more services to mothers in need in and around the GTA.
www.singlemomsfreshstart.org
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Help Us Help You
Hey All,
2 blog posts in one week!!!! This is new and should probably continue!!
We did an interview with CBC News Toronto and it was aired on this evenings news. We have come to realize how many people are in need of our support and services and we would like to begin to build and grow into the organization we have in-visioned over the last 2 years.
We have set up a donation page for people to visit and donate to our cause. We are trying to raise money to launch a website and register with the Ontario government to become a certified Not for Profit Organization. Our long term goal is to apply for grants and open an office in the Central Toronto Area to begin offering hands on services such as counselling, parenting support groups, resume workshops, legal assistance, and much much more.
Please visit our donation page and please please share the link through social media. Help us reach our goal and become the organization we are destined to be. There are so many single mothers out there that need our help! Help Us, Help You!!!!
www.singlemomsfreshstart.myevent.com
Every little bit counts to help us achieve our goals!
Thank you
-Staci
2 blog posts in one week!!!! This is new and should probably continue!!
We did an interview with CBC News Toronto and it was aired on this evenings news. We have come to realize how many people are in need of our support and services and we would like to begin to build and grow into the organization we have in-visioned over the last 2 years.
We have set up a donation page for people to visit and donate to our cause. We are trying to raise money to launch a website and register with the Ontario government to become a certified Not for Profit Organization. Our long term goal is to apply for grants and open an office in the Central Toronto Area to begin offering hands on services such as counselling, parenting support groups, resume workshops, legal assistance, and much much more.
Please visit our donation page and please please share the link through social media. Help us reach our goal and become the organization we are destined to be. There are so many single mothers out there that need our help! Help Us, Help You!!!!
www.singlemomsfreshstart.myevent.com
Every little bit counts to help us achieve our goals!
Thank you
-Staci
Monday, September 29, 2014
Lets Get Our Name Out There, Make Ourselves Heard (CBC Interview Oct 1/14)
Well it has again been far too long since I have seen this blank page.
We started this blog 2 years ago in hopes to reach out to other single mothers struggling the same way we were. We decided to touch on everyday topics that a typical single mother would go through on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. We have done everything from custody to child support and we truly hoped that some readers would gain some insight from what we had to say and relate to our stories.
We have been trying to figure out how to get a website up and running to allow single parents to access our services and be able to get referrals to other webpages such as government funding, subsidy and legal support. We want to have a place where single parents can go and access everything in one shot. We also want to have support forums up and running for people to post their stories and others to respond in a supportive and understanding way. Our long term goal is to open an office and have services readily available such as counselling, parenting seminars, resume building, subsidy education and legal advice regarding support and custody.
Tonight I did an interview with a major news station here in Canada. CBC news found our blog and read our posts and wanted to do an interview with me on their up coming piece on Child Support in Ontario. Did you know that 82% of Ontario payees are in arrears and within those 82% over 2 BILLION DOLLARS is owing to the receivers of child support. 97% of single parents are mothers which means the statistic that those payees are fathers are extremely high. (SO KUDOS TO THE DADS DOING IT ON THEIR OWN). Our government has a service called the Family Responsibility Office (Referred to as FRO from here on out) there are 450 people that work for FRO here in ontario and over 182,000 case files. That means each worker is assigned to over 404 cases! So FRO is supposed to implement the child support owed and then reenforce consequences for those who do not pay. But with that many case files per person if a recipient is not on top of their file their file ends up going to the bottom of the pile. Which means that years can go by without any reenforcement of payment. Consequences enforced here in Ontario begin with a suspension of drivers licence, then they confiscate a passport, the last step would be a charge and jail time but that is only at the most extreme measures. So, FRO has 404 files per case manager and 82% are not paying their child support and in arrears. FRO contacts the payee in arrears and they arrange a playment plan if the payee is unable to pay in full. The minimum payment is $2 and all a payee has to do is pay $2 towards their arrears and they are not subjected to the consequences that are supposed to be enforced because, well they are paying towards their support! IS THAT NOT INSANE!!!! How can a child live off of $2 a month. So the majority of our single parents and their children are living on or below the poverty line because there is no absolute consequence for the payees when they don't pay. These are our children, our future! Its like saying "Hey, the government says you have to pay your taxes but if you don't then there wouldn't be a consequence" WOULD ANYONE PAY THERE TAXES? NO!!!! This is the exact same, if there isn't a consequence for not paying support why the hell should the father pay? Its sick and twisted and our government needs to stand up and take more action. More funding, more employees and definitely more support!
This interview was a breakthrough for our org/group and because I am so passionate about this I feel that I had a lot to contribute to this topic. If you live in Canada check out the interview on Wednesday at 5-630 central time.
Leave a comment if you are going through something like this or have experienced this in the past. We need people to stand up and speak up about this issue it is more extreme then anyone could ever imagine. Even myself, who has been educated on child support and the bylaws was completely shocked at the numbers and statistics!!
Here is a sneak peak of our interview :)
- Staci
We started this blog 2 years ago in hopes to reach out to other single mothers struggling the same way we were. We decided to touch on everyday topics that a typical single mother would go through on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. We have done everything from custody to child support and we truly hoped that some readers would gain some insight from what we had to say and relate to our stories.
We have been trying to figure out how to get a website up and running to allow single parents to access our services and be able to get referrals to other webpages such as government funding, subsidy and legal support. We want to have a place where single parents can go and access everything in one shot. We also want to have support forums up and running for people to post their stories and others to respond in a supportive and understanding way. Our long term goal is to open an office and have services readily available such as counselling, parenting seminars, resume building, subsidy education and legal advice regarding support and custody.
Tonight I did an interview with a major news station here in Canada. CBC news found our blog and read our posts and wanted to do an interview with me on their up coming piece on Child Support in Ontario. Did you know that 82% of Ontario payees are in arrears and within those 82% over 2 BILLION DOLLARS is owing to the receivers of child support. 97% of single parents are mothers which means the statistic that those payees are fathers are extremely high. (SO KUDOS TO THE DADS DOING IT ON THEIR OWN). Our government has a service called the Family Responsibility Office (Referred to as FRO from here on out) there are 450 people that work for FRO here in ontario and over 182,000 case files. That means each worker is assigned to over 404 cases! So FRO is supposed to implement the child support owed and then reenforce consequences for those who do not pay. But with that many case files per person if a recipient is not on top of their file their file ends up going to the bottom of the pile. Which means that years can go by without any reenforcement of payment. Consequences enforced here in Ontario begin with a suspension of drivers licence, then they confiscate a passport, the last step would be a charge and jail time but that is only at the most extreme measures. So, FRO has 404 files per case manager and 82% are not paying their child support and in arrears. FRO contacts the payee in arrears and they arrange a playment plan if the payee is unable to pay in full. The minimum payment is $2 and all a payee has to do is pay $2 towards their arrears and they are not subjected to the consequences that are supposed to be enforced because, well they are paying towards their support! IS THAT NOT INSANE!!!! How can a child live off of $2 a month. So the majority of our single parents and their children are living on or below the poverty line because there is no absolute consequence for the payees when they don't pay. These are our children, our future! Its like saying "Hey, the government says you have to pay your taxes but if you don't then there wouldn't be a consequence" WOULD ANYONE PAY THERE TAXES? NO!!!! This is the exact same, if there isn't a consequence for not paying support why the hell should the father pay? Its sick and twisted and our government needs to stand up and take more action. More funding, more employees and definitely more support!
This interview was a breakthrough for our org/group and because I am so passionate about this I feel that I had a lot to contribute to this topic. If you live in Canada check out the interview on Wednesday at 5-630 central time.
Leave a comment if you are going through something like this or have experienced this in the past. We need people to stand up and speak up about this issue it is more extreme then anyone could ever imagine. Even myself, who has been educated on child support and the bylaws was completely shocked at the numbers and statistics!!
Here is a sneak peak of our interview :)
- Staci
Thursday, June 19, 2014
What's the Big Difference?
In lieu of our most recent holiday, Father's Day, this post is about the many different fathers that exist in our generation of men.
Now there are many types of fathers out there. The ones that are with their children's mothers, that maintain the household, work, tuck their kids in at night and share responsibilities right down the middle. Then there are the fathers who are not with their children's mothers and these are the ones I want to focus on. I know there are many sub-types of these fathers but today I will focus on 3 specific types.
1. The Absent Father: This is the father that disappeared into thin air. They may have been in a relationship with their kids mother or it may have been a one night stand but when it came to taking responsibility for that child or children they took off running and they don't usually look back, although some do. Now Im not saying that this father doesn't think about their child and some actually still pay child support for that child but they are not grown up enough to take care of that child physically and emotionally. Some men get scared, they may not have been in love with the child's mother and did not want the burden or responsibility of raising a child or committing to the mother and child. Some of these fathers have tried fighting for their child/children but may have given up when they felt it was too difficult, or may have just thought that it wasn't worth the time and money. I have found that some of these fathers do come back into their child's life eventually, perhaps when they have had another child, or have established their life, or sometimes the child may be old enough to ask questions or search for their father. Although we may frown upon these fathers, sometimes it may be best that they are not a part of their child's life because if they aren't ready to be a father or if they are angry at the mother this may reflect on their child's wellbeing and may be more detrimental then positive in the child's life. Every child deserves a father only when the father is ready to be deserving of that child.
2. The "Fake" Father: This is the father that walks around with their head held high and takes responsibility for having a part in raising their child, claims that they love their child with all their hearts and excepts the award for father of the year when in reality they follow direction of a court order only, they pick their child up on their weekend or evening with no extra time or visits, they are miserable with their child. Their child interrupts their weekends that they can be on a date or with friends so instead of spending quality time with that child they are taking that child to bars or to friends houses so that the father is still able to hang out with his friends while the child sits and plays video games or watches TV and on most occasions that child spends more time with the fathers family (being babysat so the father can go out) then they do with their father. This is the father that hasn't paid child support months or maybe years claiming he is not employed when really he is and has just fallen so far behind he doesn't know how to fix it then he blames the child's mother for the lack of payments instead of taking responsibility and paying what he owes. Now I don't doubt that this father loves their child/children very much and they may try to make an effort here or there to prove that but the majority of time it is just for show, so that people on the outside looking in believe that this father is the number one dad. I call this a "child father" someone who is not grown up enough to take on the responsibility of being a parent but definitely puts in an effort so that he is not frowned upon by others. This is the father that blames everyone else for his problems especially the child's mother and instead of building a relationship with his child he is pushing his child away. The anger that this father may feel towards his child's mother he is taking out on the child and the lack of respect this father has for his child's mother the child is able to pick up on that and may react in many different ways. I believe this type of father can grow and change and I believe that with a little bit of help this father has the potential to be an amazing dad but their needs to be some kind of bottom before they can realize what they are losing and only then can they take responsibility for their actions.
3. The "I Will Do Anything For My Child" Father: This is the father that fought tooth and nail to get his joint custody or his access. This is the father that would drop anything and everything if his child needed him. This is the father who is willing to pay anything in order for their child/children to have a good life. The father that has built a relationship with their child's mother knowing that it was the only way to establish a healthy relationship between him and his child. The father that shows up to every soccer game, every swimming lesson, every school meeting and every doctors appointment without missing a beat. This father enjoys co-parenting and he listens to his child's mother and his child's mother listens to him, they have a mutual respect for one another. This is the father that is willing to spend time with his child's mother even if he does not enjoy doing so, so that his child can see that his parents are friends. This father may have been this way from the moment his kids were born or perhaps he grew to become this type of father with many obstacles along the way. This is the father that every mother dreams of having for their child if they were separated from their child's father.
I feel so blessed to be able to say that my son's father falls under type #3. But here is the thing, my sons father has fallen under all 3 categories over the last 5 years. In the very beginning of our separation things got too hard for my sons father to handle and he took off for 6 months without a trace, no phone number, no address, no visits and no phone calls. One day he decided to email me to request a visit and he quickly turned into father #2. He did not care about what I said or the wellbeing of his child. He was angry with me and took that anger out on our son. He was doing things to benefit himself and his needs. Although that didn't last too long it was very hard for me to go through as I felt my son deserved better then that. He quickly transitioned into category #3 and has been the most unbelievable father any little boy could ever ask for. I have been through it all ladies so I know how each and everyone of you feel. When you look at this and figure out which category your child's father falls under just know that there is room for that father to grow and to become the father your children deserve. Every child deserves a father who is present, involved, loving and devoted. A father that will go above and beyond for their children. If you are dealing with someone who is not committed to your children the way that you are please believe I empathize with your frustration.
I would love to hear from you ladies. What type of father does your children have? Have they changed over the years? Grown? Is there some points I might be missing in each category? Let us know!
And a very Happy Father's Day to all those dads who stood up and took care of their children to the best of their ability. As long as you are trying you are a good father in my eyes!!!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
The Struggles....Part 1- The Undiagnosed Chronic Stomach Condition
As single mothers we are constantly faced with struggles. Well as parents in general we are often faced with struggles. Some may include time management, meal prep, taking time off work for a sick child, balancing work and home life, making sure the house is cleaned and the laundry is done, etc. The list goes on and it is twice as hard a single parent doing it on your own.
I have been faced with a different kind of struggle, of course I go through the everyday struggle of making sure lunches and dinners are made, the laundry and housework is done, my son is bathed and ready for bed by a certain time, his homework is done, his toys are put away, my homework is done, we are on time for school in the morning, etc. But the struggle I am about to talk about is slightly different then those of our everyday lives.
My son suffers from an undiagnosed chronic stomach condition. It started in the summer of 2013 when I noticed that he was experiencing stomach pains and cramping, his stools were loose and were occurring more often throughout the day and his stomach was distended. On occasion he would vomit and it appeared food just wasn't agreeing with him. I took him to his paediatrician and after noticing a significant drop in weight the testing began. We started with a simple blood test. Ciliac (gluten intolerance), liver, kidneys, blood cells, etc. We were also told to take him off lactose and gluten for the time being until the results came back. The results came back negative and the symptoms continued to persist. We were then scheduled for a consultation with a GI specialist at Sick Kids Hospital. The appointment was scheduled in September and the date for the consult was for late October. We met with the GI specialist who said he sees things like this all the time and isn't overly concerned but because of my family history with bowel disease recommended I get the scopes done. A colonoscopy and endoscopy was scheduled for late November.
While we waited for the scopes I was still feeding him gluten free and lactose free foods and was definitely not going out to eat at all. Everything I was feeding him was organic and clean. Unfortunately that didn't seem to help much. His condition was worsening, his stomach was the size of an NBA sized basketball and the loose stools were happing every 1-3 hours. The vomiting was occurring more often as well.
We finally got the scopes done and after that we went away to Pennsylvania for a break from all the craziness of the healthcare system. We drove there for the weekend with a few friends and while we were there my son took a turn for the worst. He was constantly vomiting, loose stools, and his stomach was like nothing I have ever seen before. When we got back to Ontario I took him straight to Sick Kids and refused to leave until I got some answers as to why this was happening to my son.
WE spent the night and he was examined by a few different GI specialist. They could not find anything wrong with him.
His scopes came back negative and his GI doctor chalked his condition up to "Functional Abdominal Pain" He prescribed some ant-acid medication and sent us on our way.
As a single mother, I am dealing with this on my own. His dad is helpful but he is not constantly around to deal with this struggle. My family lives 30 minutes away so it is just me and it is hard. I am constantly monitoring what my son is eating, how much intake and output on a daily basis. I know, I am lucky it isn't a serious condition and count my blessings everyday that the scope came back negative but sometimes I wish it should something or we had some kind of answer so that I could know how to deal with it.
He has improved since the last visit at Sick Kids, he has not vomited at all and his loose stools are still persistent but not as frequent. He has gained 2lbs as well which is significant for his condition. But everyday is hard, on top of everything else us single parents need to worry about I have a bit more extra duties to make sure that my son is eating right and is functioning.
We still don't have an answer to what is causing his condition but my only assumption is to think that is is a food intolerance of sort. Unfortunately medical doctors can not test for food intolerance only allergies. We have another appointment booked in the summer for a second opinion at a different Sick Children's Hospital. Hopefully one day we will get some answers but for now I just continue to work hard to make sure he is thriving.
It is truly amazing how resilient children are, Ben has really accepted this condition and made it as part of his daily life. He does not let it bother him and has accepted that it is a part of who he is. He plays and laughs and enjoys life to the fullest.
I would love to hear some stories of other parents who are struggling with a child with a mild or severe condition and how it is affecting your daily life. Please comment below or let us know on our Facebook page at Facebook.com/SingleMomsFreshStart
- Staci
I have been faced with a different kind of struggle, of course I go through the everyday struggle of making sure lunches and dinners are made, the laundry and housework is done, my son is bathed and ready for bed by a certain time, his homework is done, his toys are put away, my homework is done, we are on time for school in the morning, etc. But the struggle I am about to talk about is slightly different then those of our everyday lives.
My son suffers from an undiagnosed chronic stomach condition. It started in the summer of 2013 when I noticed that he was experiencing stomach pains and cramping, his stools were loose and were occurring more often throughout the day and his stomach was distended. On occasion he would vomit and it appeared food just wasn't agreeing with him. I took him to his paediatrician and after noticing a significant drop in weight the testing began. We started with a simple blood test. Ciliac (gluten intolerance), liver, kidneys, blood cells, etc. We were also told to take him off lactose and gluten for the time being until the results came back. The results came back negative and the symptoms continued to persist. We were then scheduled for a consultation with a GI specialist at Sick Kids Hospital. The appointment was scheduled in September and the date for the consult was for late October. We met with the GI specialist who said he sees things like this all the time and isn't overly concerned but because of my family history with bowel disease recommended I get the scopes done. A colonoscopy and endoscopy was scheduled for late November.
While we waited for the scopes I was still feeding him gluten free and lactose free foods and was definitely not going out to eat at all. Everything I was feeding him was organic and clean. Unfortunately that didn't seem to help much. His condition was worsening, his stomach was the size of an NBA sized basketball and the loose stools were happing every 1-3 hours. The vomiting was occurring more often as well.
We finally got the scopes done and after that we went away to Pennsylvania for a break from all the craziness of the healthcare system. We drove there for the weekend with a few friends and while we were there my son took a turn for the worst. He was constantly vomiting, loose stools, and his stomach was like nothing I have ever seen before. When we got back to Ontario I took him straight to Sick Kids and refused to leave until I got some answers as to why this was happening to my son.
WE spent the night and he was examined by a few different GI specialist. They could not find anything wrong with him.
His scopes came back negative and his GI doctor chalked his condition up to "Functional Abdominal Pain" He prescribed some ant-acid medication and sent us on our way.
As a single mother, I am dealing with this on my own. His dad is helpful but he is not constantly around to deal with this struggle. My family lives 30 minutes away so it is just me and it is hard. I am constantly monitoring what my son is eating, how much intake and output on a daily basis. I know, I am lucky it isn't a serious condition and count my blessings everyday that the scope came back negative but sometimes I wish it should something or we had some kind of answer so that I could know how to deal with it.
He has improved since the last visit at Sick Kids, he has not vomited at all and his loose stools are still persistent but not as frequent. He has gained 2lbs as well which is significant for his condition. But everyday is hard, on top of everything else us single parents need to worry about I have a bit more extra duties to make sure that my son is eating right and is functioning.
We still don't have an answer to what is causing his condition but my only assumption is to think that is is a food intolerance of sort. Unfortunately medical doctors can not test for food intolerance only allergies. We have another appointment booked in the summer for a second opinion at a different Sick Children's Hospital. Hopefully one day we will get some answers but for now I just continue to work hard to make sure he is thriving.
It is truly amazing how resilient children are, Ben has really accepted this condition and made it as part of his daily life. He does not let it bother him and has accepted that it is a part of who he is. He plays and laughs and enjoys life to the fullest.
I would love to hear some stories of other parents who are struggling with a child with a mild or severe condition and how it is affecting your daily life. Please comment below or let us know on our Facebook page at Facebook.com/SingleMomsFreshStart
- Staci
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Always Be Sure To Make Your Voice Heard, Advocacy is Key, Never Give up
Oh boy! Its been far too long since I have written a blog and I am very excited to be back on this blank page.
I am writing this blog today to make sure all you single mommies know how important it is to MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD. When you are faced with a challenge, which many of us are, never give up until there is a resolution. Some may say its easier said then done, and who wants the aggravation when it is so much easier to just throw in the towel. Trust me ladies it is much more rewarding to know you tried your hardest and never gave up.
Here is my story, I have been facing an issue at school over the last few months. The issue has everything to do with me being a single mom and the lack of support there is out there for us.
I am in my last year of Social Service Work at Sheridan College. During the last two semesters you are supposed to attend a placement 3 days a week to help you gain knowledge in the field before graduating. Well i landed an amazing placement, or so I thought. It was at an agency for parenting and pregnant youth. How perfect right? It was exactly what I wanted to do. I learned how to connect with clients and run out reach programs for parents in the community. I was doing presentations on single parenthood and self care. It was right up my ally. This agency advocated for all types of parents, single, new comers, even parents suffering from postpartum depression. So I knew that my supervisors and co-workers would be totally understanding of me being a single parent and of the struggles I have currently been facing with my sons chronic stomach illness (details about that and how to deal with a sick child will be in next weeks blog). Well I was wrong! My son was admitted to Sick Kids the last 2 weeks before christmas break and I was forced to take 2 weeks off from school and placement. The faculty and Sheridan were extremely supportive and understanding and helped me to get through the exams and assignments and extended my time for them all. Well my placement was not as understanding, to my surprise. They terminated my position at their agency. To top it off they didn't even have the balls to tell me until the day I was supposed to go back in January.
So far this semester back at school has been a disaster. I still haven't found a placement and the faculty and placement coordinators at my school have done nothing to assist me in finding a new placement. The coordinator at Sheridan has been trying to manipulate me into withdrawing from placement all together right now cause according to her its "just not my time" Oh hell NO! I did not take out a $20,000 student loan and work my ASS off for the last year and a half to not graduate with my class in April. Well its been 6 weeks since my termination and Im in the same position I was 6 weeks ago with no help and no support form the school that has taken my money and promised me a future.
Do you think I gave up and said "oh well theres always next year" NO! I have gone to all ends of the world to try to get my voice heard. A wrongful termination because of a sick child and the lack of the support from a school I have been paying money to go to...I am not letting this slip through the cracks. It may be stressful and time consuming. I have contacted people of all sorts from the associate dean to the ministry rep for Sheridan College. I still haven't been heard but I am not giving up. I will send my story to every new agency in the GTA if i have to. I am not just doing this for myself. I am doing this for every single mom who wants a chance to go back to school and make a future for themselves. It is not fair that I have been punished for being a single parent and I will continue to advocate for myself until I have been heard!
Hopefully in April you will see my graduation picture up here on this blog. If not then us as single parents definitely have some more fighting to do. Advocacy is key ladies. We have to stick together.
If you want to go back to school DO IT! If you want to change careers DO IT! If you want a raise or promotion DO IT! Don't ever give up because you think that you can't. YOU CAN!
Staci
I am writing this blog today to make sure all you single mommies know how important it is to MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD. When you are faced with a challenge, which many of us are, never give up until there is a resolution. Some may say its easier said then done, and who wants the aggravation when it is so much easier to just throw in the towel. Trust me ladies it is much more rewarding to know you tried your hardest and never gave up.
Here is my story, I have been facing an issue at school over the last few months. The issue has everything to do with me being a single mom and the lack of support there is out there for us.
I am in my last year of Social Service Work at Sheridan College. During the last two semesters you are supposed to attend a placement 3 days a week to help you gain knowledge in the field before graduating. Well i landed an amazing placement, or so I thought. It was at an agency for parenting and pregnant youth. How perfect right? It was exactly what I wanted to do. I learned how to connect with clients and run out reach programs for parents in the community. I was doing presentations on single parenthood and self care. It was right up my ally. This agency advocated for all types of parents, single, new comers, even parents suffering from postpartum depression. So I knew that my supervisors and co-workers would be totally understanding of me being a single parent and of the struggles I have currently been facing with my sons chronic stomach illness (details about that and how to deal with a sick child will be in next weeks blog). Well I was wrong! My son was admitted to Sick Kids the last 2 weeks before christmas break and I was forced to take 2 weeks off from school and placement. The faculty and Sheridan were extremely supportive and understanding and helped me to get through the exams and assignments and extended my time for them all. Well my placement was not as understanding, to my surprise. They terminated my position at their agency. To top it off they didn't even have the balls to tell me until the day I was supposed to go back in January.
So far this semester back at school has been a disaster. I still haven't found a placement and the faculty and placement coordinators at my school have done nothing to assist me in finding a new placement. The coordinator at Sheridan has been trying to manipulate me into withdrawing from placement all together right now cause according to her its "just not my time" Oh hell NO! I did not take out a $20,000 student loan and work my ASS off for the last year and a half to not graduate with my class in April. Well its been 6 weeks since my termination and Im in the same position I was 6 weeks ago with no help and no support form the school that has taken my money and promised me a future.
Do you think I gave up and said "oh well theres always next year" NO! I have gone to all ends of the world to try to get my voice heard. A wrongful termination because of a sick child and the lack of the support from a school I have been paying money to go to...I am not letting this slip through the cracks. It may be stressful and time consuming. I have contacted people of all sorts from the associate dean to the ministry rep for Sheridan College. I still haven't been heard but I am not giving up. I will send my story to every new agency in the GTA if i have to. I am not just doing this for myself. I am doing this for every single mom who wants a chance to go back to school and make a future for themselves. It is not fair that I have been punished for being a single parent and I will continue to advocate for myself until I have been heard!
Hopefully in April you will see my graduation picture up here on this blog. If not then us as single parents definitely have some more fighting to do. Advocacy is key ladies. We have to stick together.
If you want to go back to school DO IT! If you want to change careers DO IT! If you want a raise or promotion DO IT! Don't ever give up because you think that you can't. YOU CAN!
Staci
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Lets talk about the D word...death
Well it has been a while since any of us has posted on our blog page. Today I felt the need to write.
I chose the topic of death...I know this is the hardest word for most to grasp and as humans we are always scared of the unknown, death is the biggest "unknown" circumstance that anyone has ever dealt with and it is extremely scary. So how do we explain death to our children? Is there a right way to do it?
As you all may already know I have a 3 year old son, going on 4 in November. My father had passed away when I was very young and he meant the world to me. When my son was born my nana gave me my dads teddy bear and I put that bear with a picture of my dad beside my sons bed.
As my son got older he asked who the man in the picture was and many evenings before bed I would tell him stories of his Grandad whom he is named after.
This summer my son grabbed the picture of his Grandad and asked me why he could not see Grandad or talk to him. That was a very tough question to answer especially to a 3 year old. I was concerned he would not understand if I used the word death and then trying to explain the word and what it meant may have been a bit complicated. So I told him that his Grandad was hurt in a car accident many years ago and sometimes when people get hurt badly enough they go up into the clouds and watch over their family and friends. I thought that was the best explanation I could give and my son totally got it. He wondered why he could not talk to Grandad and I explained that he can always talk to Grandad but that Grandad will not talk back because he can only listen. Its amazing how much my son understood that concept and was very ok with it.
There have been many occasions since my explanation that he was able to tell other people about his Grandad and where he was. Now I know some may not believe in the concept of heaven and that is ok, a different explanation would be required in those circumstances but as far as I can see, with my most recent experience it is to keep the explanation simple.
On Thursday evening our family dog was hit my a car and died a short time later. I had called my sons father to come pick him up immediately in the midst of it all and he came and took him back to his place for the entire weekend while I recovered from our tragic loss. On Friday my sons father and I were going to tell him about our dog and what had happened. My sons father wanted to tell him that our dog went to a farm but lying was not the way to go. My son has already had a simple explanation about what death was and I thought the truth was much better then a lie. It took some convincing but my sons father agreed and allowed me to tell our son the truth. That our doggy was hurt badly last night and that he went up into the clouds with Grandad. Now my son and this dog were best friends and I did not know how he would take it. He was surprisingly better then I was. When he came home for the first time after the fact I wondered if he would question where our puppy was but he did not. I thought it was strange so I asked him if he felt like mommy's house was different. He said yes that or puppy is no longer here, I asked him if he knew where she was and he replied "yes mama she was hurt and went into the clouds with Grandad and now she can see me every single day and everyone else" He said that he missed her a lot and was sad but he understood.
Death is a hard topic and explaining it to a child when you need to is very difficult. Every child is different and of course use your judgement on what you say and how but I feel that children are quite resiliant and they understand a lot more then we give them credit for.
I chose the topic of death...I know this is the hardest word for most to grasp and as humans we are always scared of the unknown, death is the biggest "unknown" circumstance that anyone has ever dealt with and it is extremely scary. So how do we explain death to our children? Is there a right way to do it?
As you all may already know I have a 3 year old son, going on 4 in November. My father had passed away when I was very young and he meant the world to me. When my son was born my nana gave me my dads teddy bear and I put that bear with a picture of my dad beside my sons bed.
As my son got older he asked who the man in the picture was and many evenings before bed I would tell him stories of his Grandad whom he is named after.
This summer my son grabbed the picture of his Grandad and asked me why he could not see Grandad or talk to him. That was a very tough question to answer especially to a 3 year old. I was concerned he would not understand if I used the word death and then trying to explain the word and what it meant may have been a bit complicated. So I told him that his Grandad was hurt in a car accident many years ago and sometimes when people get hurt badly enough they go up into the clouds and watch over their family and friends. I thought that was the best explanation I could give and my son totally got it. He wondered why he could not talk to Grandad and I explained that he can always talk to Grandad but that Grandad will not talk back because he can only listen. Its amazing how much my son understood that concept and was very ok with it.
There have been many occasions since my explanation that he was able to tell other people about his Grandad and where he was. Now I know some may not believe in the concept of heaven and that is ok, a different explanation would be required in those circumstances but as far as I can see, with my most recent experience it is to keep the explanation simple.
On Thursday evening our family dog was hit my a car and died a short time later. I had called my sons father to come pick him up immediately in the midst of it all and he came and took him back to his place for the entire weekend while I recovered from our tragic loss. On Friday my sons father and I were going to tell him about our dog and what had happened. My sons father wanted to tell him that our dog went to a farm but lying was not the way to go. My son has already had a simple explanation about what death was and I thought the truth was much better then a lie. It took some convincing but my sons father agreed and allowed me to tell our son the truth. That our doggy was hurt badly last night and that he went up into the clouds with Grandad. Now my son and this dog were best friends and I did not know how he would take it. He was surprisingly better then I was. When he came home for the first time after the fact I wondered if he would question where our puppy was but he did not. I thought it was strange so I asked him if he felt like mommy's house was different. He said yes that or puppy is no longer here, I asked him if he knew where she was and he replied "yes mama she was hurt and went into the clouds with Grandad and now she can see me every single day and everyone else" He said that he missed her a lot and was sad but he understood.
Death is a hard topic and explaining it to a child when you need to is very difficult. Every child is different and of course use your judgement on what you say and how but I feel that children are quite resiliant and they understand a lot more then we give them credit for.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Transitions and Adjustments.
As adults we are used to change. We leave a job, graduate from school, move houses or apartments, cities or towns. We are so accustomed to change because we have experienced it throughout our entire life span. The burning question is, when we go through a change how does it affect our children.
My son is 3 years old right now and most children at that age can not express the anxieties they feel when they are going through a dramatic change. Most children at his age are welcoming a new brother or sister or moving from preschool to kindergarten. Unfortunately I have introduced my little guy to a new kind of change, a temporary living circumstance. I accepted a contract for a live-in personal support worker position. It is a 5 month contract and it involves Ben and I to reside with my client and his 2 children aged 3 and 6. It is great for Ben to have kids around but he has not known anything other then living with just his mama. It has been just him and I in our own place since he was 4 months old. He is not used to having a whole other family under the same roof and he has been reacting to it in ways that are hidden to the blind eye. He seems like his normal self. He is happy, playing, laughing and is loving every moment of having live in play mates but he is showing some signs of what I think is anxiety. He complains 6-10 times a day of a stomach ache and has been showing a few different behavioural issues that are new for him.
Although this is just a temporary living situation I cant help but feel guilty for putting him through this. I know that he is missing his familiar settings, his cat (who is currently at my nanas) and his furniture and bunk beds. He can not verbalize this to me as I dont believe he is even fully aware that he is in fact missing these things but his actions are speaking to me in ways his words may not be able to.
We are taking things one day at a time and although I see he is adjusting better then I had thought he would, like i said it is showing in other ways. I know that people come into these circumstances all the time as a single parent. Moving back in with their parents, sharing accommodations or even having a roommate. Its all normal things to go through when you are single and looking for alternative ways to save money and provide for your child. Although our circumstances are a bit unique I just keep reminding myself that we will come out better in the end. I will be getting paid and living rent free, saving all my money so that we can one day buy a place to call our own. I am doing this for Ben, it may affect him in the short term but I know in the long run it is better for us both.
Id love to hear others experiences on transition. Please comment below.
- Staci SMFS
My son is 3 years old right now and most children at that age can not express the anxieties they feel when they are going through a dramatic change. Most children at his age are welcoming a new brother or sister or moving from preschool to kindergarten. Unfortunately I have introduced my little guy to a new kind of change, a temporary living circumstance. I accepted a contract for a live-in personal support worker position. It is a 5 month contract and it involves Ben and I to reside with my client and his 2 children aged 3 and 6. It is great for Ben to have kids around but he has not known anything other then living with just his mama. It has been just him and I in our own place since he was 4 months old. He is not used to having a whole other family under the same roof and he has been reacting to it in ways that are hidden to the blind eye. He seems like his normal self. He is happy, playing, laughing and is loving every moment of having live in play mates but he is showing some signs of what I think is anxiety. He complains 6-10 times a day of a stomach ache and has been showing a few different behavioural issues that are new for him.
Although this is just a temporary living situation I cant help but feel guilty for putting him through this. I know that he is missing his familiar settings, his cat (who is currently at my nanas) and his furniture and bunk beds. He can not verbalize this to me as I dont believe he is even fully aware that he is in fact missing these things but his actions are speaking to me in ways his words may not be able to.
We are taking things one day at a time and although I see he is adjusting better then I had thought he would, like i said it is showing in other ways. I know that people come into these circumstances all the time as a single parent. Moving back in with their parents, sharing accommodations or even having a roommate. Its all normal things to go through when you are single and looking for alternative ways to save money and provide for your child. Although our circumstances are a bit unique I just keep reminding myself that we will come out better in the end. I will be getting paid and living rent free, saving all my money so that we can one day buy a place to call our own. I am doing this for Ben, it may affect him in the short term but I know in the long run it is better for us both.
Id love to hear others experiences on transition. Please comment below.
- Staci SMFS
Monday, March 11, 2013
New Girl on the Block...
After hearing about this idea from Staci more then 6 months ago, here I am, jumping on board for the journey which I know is going to be rewarding for all of us involved and for all the single mom's we help along the way. I met Staci while going to school 3 years ago. We both enrolled in a program that we were not really passionate about and thought it would be a brilliant idea to lean on each other for support and study help. I'm sure you can imagine how successful we were together when we both had no real desire to be in the program. Our study sessions included wine, music and a talking bird (yes, a real talking bird). Through Staci, I met Valerie and Kim, who are both amazing people and amazing moms. We have all come together to be a shoulder to lean on, help to point you in the right direction and proof that you can and will make it.
During the time of going to school and meeting Staci, my relationship with my son's father was coming to an end. I had been with him for 7 years and had fallen completely out of love with him. We were in a very 'young' relationship. I was 19 when I met him and he was 20, needless to say we had a lot of growing up to do and I guess we grew up together and in the process grew apart. From the beginning there were trust issues, lying, cheating and just disrespectful behaviour. Not to say that we didn't have amazing times together, it's just that sometimes the cons outweigh the pros. We tried councling towards the end, grabbing at straws to try and keep it together for our son, but it was too little too late. In order for us to be happy and most importantly for our son to be happy, we couldn't stay together any longer. He left and Isaiah and I started our lives together. It was during that time that I realized how completely lost in the relationship I was. I had lost my own identity and lost the happy, go lucky person I was. I had become a person that I despised. A grumpy, nagging, yelling, resentful girlfriend. After he left though I slowly but surely got back to who I knew I was and who i was happy with. Without the love and support from my friends and family I would be lost. As cheesy as it may sound, this is what Single Moms, Fresh Start is all about, being the friends and family for single moms in need.
Now onto the subject that I can go on for days and days about. The never-ending beat in my heart, the always and forever thought in my head, the constant twitch in my eye (joke..but not really), my red headed, freckled faced love of my life Isaiah. Born April 2008, he came out crying, continued crying for 3 years and now as a 4 year old the crying has turned into whining. Atleast a swaddle or a rock in the rocking chair when he was a baby could stop the crying, the whining on the other hand...I'll get back to you on that when I have it figured out..PLEASE HELP!! :)
He radiates personality and leaves an impression on everyone he meets. Wither it be good or bad, they always remember Isaiah. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love him. I have many goals that I want to accomplish in life, but the one that will make or break me is to raise him to be a good, honest and respectful man.
During the time of going to school and meeting Staci, my relationship with my son's father was coming to an end. I had been with him for 7 years and had fallen completely out of love with him. We were in a very 'young' relationship. I was 19 when I met him and he was 20, needless to say we had a lot of growing up to do and I guess we grew up together and in the process grew apart. From the beginning there were trust issues, lying, cheating and just disrespectful behaviour. Not to say that we didn't have amazing times together, it's just that sometimes the cons outweigh the pros. We tried councling towards the end, grabbing at straws to try and keep it together for our son, but it was too little too late. In order for us to be happy and most importantly for our son to be happy, we couldn't stay together any longer. He left and Isaiah and I started our lives together. It was during that time that I realized how completely lost in the relationship I was. I had lost my own identity and lost the happy, go lucky person I was. I had become a person that I despised. A grumpy, nagging, yelling, resentful girlfriend. After he left though I slowly but surely got back to who I knew I was and who i was happy with. Without the love and support from my friends and family I would be lost. As cheesy as it may sound, this is what Single Moms, Fresh Start is all about, being the friends and family for single moms in need.
Now onto the subject that I can go on for days and days about. The never-ending beat in my heart, the always and forever thought in my head, the constant twitch in my eye (joke..but not really), my red headed, freckled faced love of my life Isaiah. Born April 2008, he came out crying, continued crying for 3 years and now as a 4 year old the crying has turned into whining. Atleast a swaddle or a rock in the rocking chair when he was a baby could stop the crying, the whining on the other hand...I'll get back to you on that when I have it figured out..PLEASE HELP!! :)
He radiates personality and leaves an impression on everyone he meets. Wither it be good or bad, they always remember Isaiah. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love him. I have many goals that I want to accomplish in life, but the one that will make or break me is to raise him to be a good, honest and respectful man.
 |
| Leave a child alone to shave and this is what happens |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)