I AM a FEMINIST but that doesn't make me a "Man Hater"!

We started this blog almost 2 years ago to the day. In those 2 years I have been asked on numerous occasions if I am a feminist. When approached about this topic and asked this question people are asking in a very judgemental way as if being a feminist is a horrible thing. The reason our group and organization is focus on single MOTHERS is because that is who we, as single mothers relate to and those single mothers in need of support can relate more to us on a personal level thus making it easier to assist with their needs. A single mother and a single father are very very different and both require different support. Although we have and we can assist a single father with certain needs we tend to focus more on single mothers for those reasons.

So back to being a feminist, while being asked on numerous occasions if I am a feminist I always feel the need to defend myself because of the way I am constantly approached about it. I feel the need to explain why we focus on single mothers and in reality I should be supporting feminism because I am a female and you know what? I believe in equality for women and women's rights, I believe that each women should be heard as well as seen, I believe women have the right to an equal pay cheque and education as men do, I believe that women are strong, beautiful and independent. By believing in this do I hate men? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! By being a feminist do I degrade the male population?? NO!!!! By standing up and believing that women should have equal rights I am simply being on the side of my gender and support women who do not have equality in this world. 

So for those of you who are wondering I AM A FEMINIST!!!!! My question today is why should we label such as feminists? All women everywhere should stand up for one another and support each other. There should not be a label on that, that is our right and our nature. We care, we love, we nurture, we grow, we work, we educate and we support each other. 

You don't have to be a feminist to understand that women are still not treated with the same respect as men and although the world has become a much more acceptable place when it comes to gender roles and rights we still have a lot of work to do. 

Next time I am approached about this topic I will no longer feel the need to defend myself because I am a strong, hard working independent woman and I am lucky enough to be in the position I am today and ALL women deserve to be treated the same!!!! 

BE A FEMINIST WITHOUT THE LABEL!!! Be proud of who you are!

-Staci SMFS

The Book

I love to write, you can probably tell by the long drawn out blogs that I post on occasion. My brain always has so much to say and the words are sent to my finger tips. I have written poetry as a dark, sad teenager but when I saw a brighter light in my early 20s I stopped writing.

I have been told that I have exceptional writing skills (no to toot my own horn) but my grammer could definitely use some tweaking. I should just hire an editor full time! I once had a psychic tell me that I would one day write a best seller if I sat and concentrated on writing.

As far back as I could remember I have always dreamed of writing. My dad wrote pages and pages of poetry and it was always so inspirational to me. Writing is a passion and that is why Single Moms Fresh Start started as a blog. So we can share experiences and stories through our writing.

We started Single Moms Fresh Start almost 2 years ago, December 21st 2012 to be exact, and I have learned so much in those two years. Probably more then I have in my entire life time. I have heard stories, some very similar to one another and others that could make your jaw drop. All about single parenting and the experiences, the joy, the pain, the heartache, the worry, and the unconditional love that comes along with it. I have a lot to say about being a single mother in Ontario, being raised by a Single mother in Ontario and all the support and lack of support that is provided for us throughout our journey as single parents. I think with all my knowledge, experience (personal and outside) and my passion I could write a book for single mothers to relate to, laugh to, cry to and really hold close to their hearts because this book would be so raw, so open, so real, so alive and most importantly every single mother would be able to relate to it. This book would be the "Unofficial Guide to Single Motherhood". (copyright 2014)

I have decided that while I continue to try and open an office here in Toronto and continue to help single mothers in need I will dedicate my time to writing a pretty bad ass book for all us single mothers out there that struggle too much, love too hard and dedicate our entire life to raising another human being. Dedicated to all of you, for all of you!

I will keep you all updated as I plow through this next chapter (no pun intended) and would love to publish some of your quotes, stories and bits and pieces of your lives.

Each chapter I start I will blog about in hopes to get some people contributing. Because after all this is a book from our group Single Moms Fresh Start and what better way to write then to write for and with all of you!

I have already started with an Introduction chapter about my story, who I am and why I woke up one morning and decided I wanted to dedicate my life to helping and supporting single moms.

Stay Tuned my SMFS supporters!!!!

- Staci

TVOs The Agenda- Child Support/FRO

We have come a long way since 2012. Myself and Victoria has done 2 separate interviews on CBC news in regards to child support and FRO.

After those interviews were conducted and aired, I was contacted by TVO to be a part of a panel on The Agenda representing Single Moms Fresh Start. The topic is Child Support and Fro. There will be myself, a single father, a family lawyer and Winnipeg's CBC producer whom wrote the article on "DeadBeat Dads".

The show is being recorded on Wednesday morning at 11am on November 26th and will be aired that same day at 8pm.

I discussed some questions and answers that will be asked of me during the segment and I wanted to share them with you in hopes that some of you will have some in put.

1) At what point in a separation do people turn to an organization like yours for support?
A: I have worked with single mothers for 2 years now and being one myself I have noticed that typically people begin to reach out when the separation has been finalized either by the courts or by the other party moving out of the shared home.

2) Your services seem to be specifically aimed at single mothers, will you or have you helped single fathers? Do yo believe your organization could assist single fathers if they were to come to you for support?
A: We are 4 single mothers and that is all we know. Single mothers with full or joint custody and single fathers that have only joint custody or access experience separation and parenting very differently. We have helped single fathers in the past, mostly those who have sole custody of their children but our website provides resources that are beneficial for anyone experiencing separation and single parenthood. If a single father was in need of assistance we would be more then happy to help them with their needs. Our future goal is to hire a single father willing to help other single fathers that when they are in need of specific services they can relate more to the person helping them. Single fathers may find it difficult to relate to 4 single mothers when searching for specific services.

3) Do you notice any improvements over the years with FRO?
A: Unfortunately the clients I work with are the ones struggling with FRO and have been for quite some time. I would however like to say that each case worker has hundreds of case files and is likely struggling to attempt to assist with yours especially those who have a payee who are not willing to pay their support or have disappeared. Statistics state that FRO is under staffed and cases continue to pile up. With the payees willing to pay, FRO is fast and efficient and as long as all the proper documentation is in place there are no issues when it comes to retrieving those payments, but for those who are not willing to pay their support the process is long and the paper work is tedious. I would also like to make it clear that the only person or people that suffer when support is not being paid on time are the children. These children are in greater risk of living in poverty and if there was a way to prevent that then why aren't we doing everything possible to do so?

Note: The Single Father on the Panel states: Minister Jasek was impressed by the fact that FRO has started impounding the support payers cars if support is not being paid as a measure to get that support payment. William believes that the measure is harsh because some of the payees are on social assistance and need their car to apply for jobs and so on.
My Argument: How can they afford their car on social assistance but can not afford to pay their support? Gas costs a lot of money here in Ontario. If they are looking for a job why haven’t they found one yet? Where did they get the money for the car? And don’t most cities in Ontario have a transit system? Why would someone need a car if they can not afford to pay support? If they can afford to drive a car in Ontario dont you think they can afford to pay their child support? Also, why should the support payer who is not paying support be entitled to drive when most recipients who are not receiving support are solely supporting their children and most are working 2-3 jobs just to pay the household bills and the majority do not own or drive a car but rely on public transit. Is that fair?

4) If you could make one improvement to FRO what would it be?
A: 1) Treat child support like a credit card, if the payments are not made the support should go into a type of collection where it begins to effect the persons credit. After all if they are not paying support what would they need a mortgage, credit card or car loan for? They cant afford support they cant afford the luxuries of having good credit. 2) People working under the table and hiding their income as well as not paying taxes should be investigated and if the recipient can find information through emails or Facebook they should be liable in court. 3) Payee should be mandated to show bank statements and credit ratings. Bank account information should be mandated and so should automatic withdrawls. National student loan services collects each and every students bank account information and 6 months after graduation they automatically begin to withdraw the monthly amount owed for the graduates student loans. If the national student loan services can do it than why can't FRO? Payees shouldn't have a choice of payment options. It should either be taken from their accounts on te first of every month or garnished off their pay checks each month. 

If you have any comments to this or think that you have an answer you could add to this please share it with me by commenting on this blog post or on our Facebook page. Please add the question number to your response and how you would answer it differently. 

TUNE IN on Wednesday November 26th, 2014 at 8pm on TVO's The Agenda. I will be participating in a Twitter chat after the show airs where everyone can discuss their opinions on this topic so if you are a twitter user look out for the chat link on or after the show!!!

Staci 

OUR WEBSITE WENT LIVE!!!!

So, for the past 2 years we have had a vision of how we wanted our website to look. We went to a graphic designer to get it all done up but turned out he was too expensive for our very empty pockets.
We then turned to Go Daddy, which is a great start up if you want something small and basic and we definitely were not looking for small and basic. We wanted links to government websites, legal aid, subsidized daycare, housing. We wanted to provide discussion boards for single moms to connect with one another and a "free cycle" where you can post donations you may have for other single mothers in need such as clothing and baby items. Go Daddy could not provide that for us and our year subscription eventually expired.

After our interview on CBC news and Victoria's live radio interview, we decided that we needed our website back up and running and to revamp it. A lovely woman reached out to my request on a group called Pink and Blue and constructed our new website in 24 hours. It has access to our blog and Facebook page, discussion boards, a "freecycle" for parents to exchange clothing and items they no longer need, links to resources such as government websites, child care subsidy, housing, legal aid and much much more.

We would love for you all to go check out our website and tell us what you think. We are steps closer to our goal of registering Single Moms Fresh Start as a not for profit charity with the Ontario government and to begin to provide many more services to mothers in need in and around the GTA.

www.singlemomsfreshstart.org