Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Making This Dream A Reality One Day at a Time.

It has been a while since my last post and I realize I have been slacking when it comes to this whole blog thing, but let me reassure you all that there are great reasons why.

When we started Single Moms Fresh Start 2 and a half years ago I had a vision of what this could be and how far it could go. I was so determined to see that vision become a reality and although we have come so far in 2 and half years I have gotten quite discouraged many times along the way.
See I am very impatient and impulsive and when things don't move quickly enough for me I begin to think that it will never happen and that gives me a bit of a set back. I begin to wonder if it will ever happen and I lose my drive and motivation to continue.

This winter was the worst of it for me I think. I was trying to register Single Moms Fresh Start as a recognized not for profit in the province of Ontario. I was taking all the right steps to do so but there was so much that I still did not know about running this type of organization. I finally submitted all the paper work necessary and waited for a response.

March 31, 2015 we finally got our registration in the mail and boy did that kick my drive and motivation in to gear 10 fold. Looking at that piece of paper was like seeing that light bulb in my head light up to the brightest it could possibly be. It was time to use this to its ability and get the ball rolling on turning my dream into a reality.

Being on the news and joining the panel on The Agenda was a great step for me but having a registration made this a reality. I began to look for connections to assist with the moms I have been helping. I went on a search for a family lawyer that could assist with legal advice and even posting some blog posts for educational purposes for our readers and clients of SMFS because I found that a lot of the questions I get are surrounding custody and support and although I have a ton of experience I am no lawyer and therefore can not provide concrete legal advice. I found a wonderful young woman in Toronto who was willing to meet with me and discuss some opportunities to work with our organization. When we met she was very willing to assist our clients who reside in the GTA and was happy to provide anyone with a free 30 min consultation for legal advice. As most know the legal aspects of a separation involving kids might be the most tedious. Its so overwhelming to create a custody and support order and no one knows where to start or how to go about doing it. Most don't want to bother because it seems to be too much work and headaches along the way. For everyone who comes to me looking for support and wanting to take advantage of our services my first form of advice to them is to always have a custody order in place. It is the safest thing to have to protect yourself and your children. It also allows a fair access agreement for the other party to see their children and be involved in their children's lives if they are willing to cooperate. That part is easy if both parties want the same thing, which would always be in the best interest of the children. It is when there is a disagreement that things get messy and that is where our lawyer, Melissa Stamkos of Garffin Zeidenberg LLP will come in. I know 30 minutes may not sound like a lot but when you are at a loss with your legal custody and support order and how to go about taking the next step into legal actions those 30 minutes could be just the relief you need during that extremely stressful time. If anyone in the GTA is in need of legal advice please email me at info@singlemomsfreshstart.org and I can pass along Melissa's information for you.

We have also teamed up with a dental clinic in Toronto. Sarah and Josh Resnick run their own practice and Sarah reached out to me one day wanting to give back to Single Moms Fresh Start the best way she could. She spoke with her husband Josh who is a Dentist and they both agreed to provide free cleanings and emergency dental work to our clients that are in need. So far I have been able to send 4 clients to them and they have been nothing but wonderful in assisting with their needs at no charge. There are some beautiful and selfless people in this world and only while starting this organization had I realized how many there are out there wanting to help.

Currently I have been trying to register the organization as a charity and that way we can begin to apply for government funded grants to start up an office and begin parenting seminars. We have successfully built a board of directions and on the board are a group of wonderful single mothers that can bring forth both their knowledge and education to better this organization and assist in building it from the ground up.

I have been able to educate myself further on grant writing so that I can begin to write and apply for grants that are offered here in Ontario for Not for Profits like ours. In the near future we are planning to open an office in the GTA and begin to provide services that are being requested from all our wonderful followers and clients. We want to be able to facilitate seminars that can benefit all single parents and assist in eliminating depression, isolation, and poverty among single parent households. We want to build up our clients and make sure they are the most confident and strongest members of society. With an office we can provide those seminars and have a separate room for child minding so that each parent can feel comfortable attending the seminars knowing their children are at arms length away if they are needed. We want to provide services such as counselling, resume building, education courses on applications for jobs, second career education, university or college and of course continue to provide donations such as clothing, furniture and diapers. We want to give single mothers a chance to start over. After all we are all just looking for a fresh start. We want to have babysitting clubs, social events that single parents can attend with child minding provided, dinners, fundraising events, the list goes on and the possibilities are endless we just need to continue to receive the support of all of you and carry this dream to the very end one day at a time.

If you are in need of any support please don't hesitate to contact me at info@singlemomsfreshstart.org. Check out our website www.singlemomsfreshstart.org. Like our Facebook page www.facebook.com/SingleMomsFreshStart, and please keep reading our blogs.

We will continue to update everyone as we continue to grow and flourish making this the best organization for single mothers in and around the Greater Toronto Area.


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Anxiety in Children. What Does It Look Like?

This blog topic is very close to my heart and is the first time I am going public with my sons recent diagnosis.

Children under the age of 5 usually present with generalized anxiety. What does that look like? Usually it presents when a child may be separated from their parents, the tantrums that are more on an extreme level are children displaying emotion that they are not aware of and displaying it in the form of anxiety. When a child develops more cognitively they begin to specify their anxiety. Around the age of 7-9 is when you can see that the anxiety branches off and becomes more specific such as Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour which is a mental illness directly related to anxiety.

Over the course of the last year I had notice that Ben became consistant on some of his routines and that things needed to be in certain places. At the start of the school year he began a "ritual" of saying he put something in his mouth and asking if it was ok, I had to answer with "yes, its ok" or he would become very uncomfortable. This became very persistent and began to affect him at home, at school and at Dads house. It wasn't until he started to wash his hands so consistently and insistently that I began to question if this behaviour was actually "normal" for a 5 year old. When he asked me if "it was ok" I started to ask him why he is asking that question, his response was this "Because if I don't ask I am scared that I am going to die." This response never changed. Now, if there wasn't a fear attached to these questions than I would not have questioned this behaviour but because the fear was so excessive I had to talk to someone.

Being in the helping field with a few psychology courses under my belt I realized that my 5 year old was presenting quite clearly with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I spoke to his paediatrician who thought it may be a good idea to seek some assistance on the psychology side of things.
I went for a walk in session at ROCK which is a resource centre for children in Halton. They immediately set up an intake with a child psychologist and with in weeks of our first meeting Ben was in fact diagnosed with OCD as well as an accompanied tick disorder.

I realize that some parents out there may feel as though I am "labelling" my child but a 5 year old being scared of dying from a simple toy entering his mouth is quite serious in my opinion and if the help is available for him to work past this and get a hold of it why would I not seek the proper assistance that he needs.

We are about to begin cognitive behaviour therapy with him, although he may not take to it completely without being fully cognitively developed yet we are going to attempt to do what we can with this form of treatment. It is extremely rare for a 5 year old to present so clearly with OCD and not just generalized anxiety so the treatment that is available for children with OCD is usually at a higher cognitive level.

I will write another post with our progress and what Cognitive Behaviour Therapy looks like.

If any moms out there have any questions about their children behaviour or anxiety please feel free to leave a note or you can email us at info@singlemomsfreshstart.org. I would be happy to answer any questions or concerns you may have and point you in the right direction.