Saturday, December 22, 2012

Judge or Be Judged

Did you ever hear of the saying "Oppression Hurts!" I never really knew what oppression was to the full extent until my first semester in the Social Work program. In class we learned that oppression was geared towards a certain group of people. For example, females are often oppressed against in the work field. I know what you all are thinking..."really in this day in age females are still being looked upon as lesser then males?" I was shocked to come to understand that females are still looked at as the ones who should be bearing children, making dinner, and cleaning the house. Another example is how we view the First Nations of our country..but I will stop there with the examples as you probably get my point and this may get a little too political. 

I was lucky enough to grow up in a city and with a mother who did not pass judgement on anyone. She taught me to accept people for who they are inside and not what they are on the outside. I think the 3 of us were lucky enough to be raised in the Greater Toronto Area with the influence of multiculturalism and the idea that family dynamics doesn't stem from a mother and a father in a white picket house with 3 children and a swing set in the back yard. Family dynamic to us was having at least one parent who cared for us, a family that loved us and supported us and friends whom became family. This generation is not about the white picket fence because in reality that just doesn't exist. This generation is about love no matter where it comes from or how its transformed. 

Some people may look at the 3 of us and shake their heads because we are single YOUNG mothers and in their eyes we made a "mistake" when we got pregnant and had our children. Well that my friends is oppression. Singling a certain group of people and passing judgment on what kind of parents they are to their children. The most important thing is that our children have at least one parent who loves them unconditionally, teaches them right from wrong and establishes healthy relationships. All 3 of us have been quite successful in doing that. So are our children suffering because we are single mothers? DEFINITELY NOT!!! All 3 of us have an amazing support system. Kimmy has a huge family and each person contributes to Laytons up bringing, not to mention his father is still a part of his life and implements some kind of parenting as well. Is Layton lacking in any way? NO he has more love around him than any one human being could ask for! Valerie had an amazing support system when Aliyahs dad made the decision to exit her life. Her mother was always there to help when needed and showered Aliyah with love, Val was surrounded by people who loved her and Aliyah. Aliyah did not lack in any way, shape or form! And now Valerie has proven "the system" wrong and has found an amazing man who loves Aliyah like his own and implements a family dynamic. Adam contributes to the family and adapted to Vals lifestyle and (aside from my own father) he is the most amazing man I have ever come to know! Then there is me. Ben has love from every angle of the universe and I am lucky enough to have established a wonderful friendship with his father. We have our own type of family dynamic. We celebrate holidays and birthdays together. We go out fro dinner or take Ben skating together and Ben knows we love him and he knows we care about each other but that we live separately. Is Ben effected by this? Not at all. He is one lucky little dude to have both his parents to support him and has an abundance of love from all his grandparents. 

Benjamin and his Family
Layton and his Family
Aliyah and her Family

Pictures tell a story and this is the reality of our lives. Our children are happy and loved! 

I know it is hard not to pass judgement on certain people. Clearly some reading our blog may shake their head in disappointment that we are young single mothers. That we should have established a well rounded relationship with our children's fathers before getting pregnant. Sometimes there are circumstances that are out of our control and if people took a step back to understand someone else's  situation instead of passing judgement the world might be a bit more peaceful.

Our blog is to help other mothers in need whether you are single by choice, widowed, teen moms, divorced or in similar circumstances to one of us. We all come from a different family dynamic and we all relate to single motherhood through our own stories as well as our parents. 
We are not here to judge or be judged!

-Staci SMFS

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