Friday, December 28, 2012

The Challenge of Dating or Dating Challenged?

As a single mother I think we all know how difficult it is to get back out there and date again. When my ex and I split I didn't even acknowledge men. I hadn't slept with anyone in over 18 months after the split and was confused about what I wanted when I did decide to give men a shot.

For some it is so easy to fall in love again but for me its the hardest thing I have faced yet as a single mother. For the first 2 years after the split I knew that I didn't want anything serious so I was seeking men younger and completely unavailable. I succeeded to say the least but I definitely was not satisfied.

So more recently, I would say in the past 6 months, I have come to realize that I do want more from a man. Perhaps I do want to fall in love and find the one. Unfortunately I thought my sons dad would be the one. He was the first real relationship I was ever in and before that I was the one who was emotionally unavailable to men. Now I have a different perspective and I would love to feel what I felt when I was with him. Here is the thing. I am completely and utterly "Dating Challenged" I think my ladies can agree on this one. Although I know what I want I'm not completely sure I'm ready for it. I continue to look for men who are unavailable emotionally which to me isn't totally disappointing. I have come to terms with the fact that although I do know what I want I may not completely be ready for it nor do I think that a man is ready to experience my life. The hectic lifestyle I live makes dating very complicated. I can't just drop everything and go to a movie or out for dinner. I have specific days that I can go out and those are every weds and every other weekend. I feel as though most men wouldn't be understanding or more so appreciative of that. Time is key when you are dating someone new and unfortunately I just don't have that time although I would like to.

But as single mothers we can do it. Kim and Val are living prof. Both have been or are in long term relationships since they have split from their children's father. The burning question for me is...what the hell is wrong with me? I accepted the fact that I am in fact "Dating Challenged".

Dating Challenged is this...seeking men who are emotionally unavailable and not being ready to put your feet in the water. Although I know what I want, I am having a real issue trying to find it or going out and getting it or even trying to work my schedule around those deserving of dating me in general. I am hiding behind this giant brick wall and I am not totally sure why but instead I accept it, which may be very wrong.

I did, once upon a time, put my effort into dating and I fell in love and was extremely hurt with the outcome. Could this be why I am the way I am?

Is it the fact that I put my all into a relationship and fell so madly in love only to be heart broken in the end? Or could it stem from my childhood? From my mother who made decisions that may not have been the greatest, the fact that she was with many men over the years after my father died? Or maybe it was the fact that after she cheated on my dad she moved a man in to replace him after he had passed away (sorry mom I gotta be real, I still love ya!). There could be many reasons why I am the way I am the question is how do I change it?

I would love to hear some dating stories or horrors? How did you guys get back out there? Have you found anyone to replace the feelings you once had for your child/rens father? Are there any tips on how to meet a man who would be understanding of our sensitive situations? If so where are these men?? lol

Food for thought

-Staci SMFS

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