Monday, December 31, 2012

The Opposite Sex

Staci is right. Men- can't live with or without 'em!

I'm sure guys are probably saying the same thing about us women. Like that movie with Mel Gibson, What Women Want... as if it's some mystery and men need telepathic powers to read our minds. To be honest, sometimes I feel bad because it can be a female tendency to be moody or hormonal but then we're just being thrown under the bus for that explanation. Men are just as capable of being moody and hard to read, i.e. not expressing emotions or a machismo frame of mind. Aside from all of this, it is possible for both sexes to get along in a genuine, loving relationship. Just look at previous generations and the way they valued each other. Nobody's perfect, but the ideal relationship exists. People just assume it's easy peezy and everyone gets along. Far from true. Relationships are work and this generation is the laziest I've seen.

Is it just me or are there way too many commitment-phobes out there? It's not just the Hollywood trend to make and break couples on the daily. It's the acceptance today's society has toward it. I'm sure you hear it too often from people you know. A lot of the time it's for the best. If two people aren't meant to be, it shouldn't be forced. More so, if one person isn't happy it's hard to change that. Does it relate to one's upbringing? Absolutely. If a guy hasn't really grown up with a proper example of a successful relationship (which doesn't necessarily mean his own parents) it's hard to be in one. I've witnessed this time and time again and it's not just a coincidence. Chances are they might not find what they are looking for, or haven't a clue what to look for. 

Now, I should mention that commitment shows itself on many levels. It could mean monogamy, living together or marriage. What some men (and women) lack is the ability to communicate what kind of commitment they want and being upfront about it. Actually... communicating about anything can ultimately mean a successful relationship. Keeping things to yourself or assuming the other person should know what's on your mind is absurd. No one is a mind reader. I say this because my relationship is heavily based on communication and respect. If something is on my mind, I share it with Adam and vice versa. We hear each other out on whatever is on our minds. If there is a problem, we talk about it or clarify if something is misunderstood. Sounds tedious? It's not, and people lack this simple ability. Once again... laziness. 

If people showed the same effort (if not more) in their personal relationships as they do to post numerous Facebook statuses, check their emails, play video games or watch TV... then this generation still has some hope. If not, then what will our children's generation be like? 

Sunday, December 30, 2012


We cant live with them but then again we cant live without them. Men!

This is a hard topic to discus because I am not bashing men more so I just don’t understand them. I think their biggest fear is commitment. When something happens in a relationship I feel they are the first to run instead of try to work towards a better solution. I am not saying this about all men. I have met many that work hard, have many goals and inspirations and who are capable of loving unconditionally but there are many out there that just don’t have those characteristics. How are we to know what is to come of a relationship with a man until we see another side to them? Us as women put our feelings out on the table I feel that men are built to mask those feelings. Maybe they learned how to do that through their parents or perhaps it is just how they are made from birth.

When I was dating my son’s dad he had a constant fear of commitment. He broke up with me on many occasions and I noticed it was when his feelings became too deep for me. He wanted to keep that distance between his feelings and what we had together and his excuse was that he was just having fun with me and didn’t want it to go any further. I guess I should have seen the signs before I made the choices I did but I realized over time that his issues weren’t about our relationship or me but stemmed from his childhood and how he was raised. More so who his mother was and what kind of things she implemented on him in regards to relationships.

I feel it is extremely important, especially for a boy to see healthy relationships between his mother and other men even so relationships between his mother and other women. That is why I try my hardest to keep a strong foundation between my son’s father and I. I have always been very determined to form a friendship with him even when things were not right between us and just recently this has started to happen and my son is a very happy 3 year old because of that. I also think that is the reason I haven’t gone out and dated anyone new. I have a fear that men will come and go and Ben will not know what a healthy relationship is all about.  I also fear that I will be heart broken again and Ben will feel the wrath and the pain that I feel which would not be good for the little dude.

I could be wrong but it seems that in this generation most men are lost and have no idea what they want out of a relationship or a woman in general which makes things 10x harder for a single mother to get back out and find the right guy to date and bring around their children.  Perhaps this has something to do with the generation before ours. Perhaps it’s because their mother wasn’t around often enough, or they come from a broken home maybe even a blended one. Could these contributing factors have anything to do with how a man portrays their own relationships? Maybe, but that is just an assumption on my part with nothing to back me up we can never be too sure. I also won't deny the fact that their are many women with these same issues and fears of commitment and I am definitely not eliminating those possibilities nor am I trying to say that it is just men in general because I know for a fact it is not. This is a topic I often debate about and I love the male species I truly do but I wish they came with a hand book and maybe us women can organize our thoughts and feelings accordingly to make a relationship work and last longer.

My hopes and goals while raising a man myself is that he understands what a healthy relationship is and that he will always have respect for women. I feel as though men of this generation lack the respect they once had for women. For example my granddad would do anything and everything for my Nana and there was a certain level of respect between the two. They were married for 64 years and made it work and they were happy. Probably because they didn’t run from a problem they had to face but instead faced the problem together.

What are your thoughts on this topic?
-Staci SMFS

The Dating Dilemma

I think it's safe to say this is one of the most popular topics in single parent convos. I never really knew anyone in a similar situation to learn from or take any advice. It ended up just being a learning experience along the way, and whether I did the right things or not, I had to figure it out for myself.

Any single parent who is looking to date wants to meet someone they connect with. Bringing a child into the picture changes everything. I remember getting back out there and it wasn't easy. First and foremost, I was and am always a proud parent. Being upfront about having a child is so key. I know this sounds a little dumb, as if I'm pointing out the obvious. You'd be surprised there are single parents who may not want to mention it in the first place in order not to "scare off" a certain someone. If you feel uncomfortable to mention your own child(ren) to someone, fearing they'll lose interest, then this is not someone worth dating. Single parents are package deals and that was always my M.O.

I'm always asked, "What is the one thing you miss before becoming a mom?" Now, I love my life and Aliyah means the absolute world to me. If you think about it, there's not much that I can't do (now or eventually) just because I'm a mom. My simple answer to that question is spontaneity. Getting to pick up and go doesn't sound like a luxury, but you start to realize this with dating. Chances are, if you find yourself in a dating relationship, eventually this person will want more of your time and attention. This was probably the hardest part from my experience. My availability to go out sans child is limited. Of course, I had my share of babysitters (ok more so it was either my mom or dad) and for the most part I had certain routine days to myself. I knew when I'd be available and that's it.

Dating someone who was cool with me having a child was great. Made me feel accepted. That is, they weren't brought around my daughter, nor did I want to. I wasn't ready for that, but the truth is... it's just hard for someone to TRULY accept something like that. Dating a mom is just dating until this comes to light. I would never want Aliyah to feel as if she were a burden, and likewise I would never want to feel like my package deal is a burden to another.

Now, not every single mom is dating to find someone to co-parent and that is often a misconception from single men. I always hated this misconception. I find people read into things too quickly and like to assume. Being upfront about it can be key so no one feels uncomfortable. Sometimes dating doesn't need any long-term intentions and it's just to go with the flow and see how things go, how people get along, going out and enjoying yourselves.

I could write a book on this topic since I barely touched the surface here. What are some dating dilemmas out there that you've experienced?

Friday, December 28, 2012

The Challenge of Dating or Dating Challenged?

As a single mother I think we all know how difficult it is to get back out there and date again. When my ex and I split I didn't even acknowledge men. I hadn't slept with anyone in over 18 months after the split and was confused about what I wanted when I did decide to give men a shot.

For some it is so easy to fall in love again but for me its the hardest thing I have faced yet as a single mother. For the first 2 years after the split I knew that I didn't want anything serious so I was seeking men younger and completely unavailable. I succeeded to say the least but I definitely was not satisfied.

So more recently, I would say in the past 6 months, I have come to realize that I do want more from a man. Perhaps I do want to fall in love and find the one. Unfortunately I thought my sons dad would be the one. He was the first real relationship I was ever in and before that I was the one who was emotionally unavailable to men. Now I have a different perspective and I would love to feel what I felt when I was with him. Here is the thing. I am completely and utterly "Dating Challenged" I think my ladies can agree on this one. Although I know what I want I'm not completely sure I'm ready for it. I continue to look for men who are unavailable emotionally which to me isn't totally disappointing. I have come to terms with the fact that although I do know what I want I may not completely be ready for it nor do I think that a man is ready to experience my life. The hectic lifestyle I live makes dating very complicated. I can't just drop everything and go to a movie or out for dinner. I have specific days that I can go out and those are every weds and every other weekend. I feel as though most men wouldn't be understanding or more so appreciative of that. Time is key when you are dating someone new and unfortunately I just don't have that time although I would like to.

But as single mothers we can do it. Kim and Val are living prof. Both have been or are in long term relationships since they have split from their children's father. The burning question for me is...what the hell is wrong with me? I accepted the fact that I am in fact "Dating Challenged".

Dating Challenged is this...seeking men who are emotionally unavailable and not being ready to put your feet in the water. Although I know what I want, I am having a real issue trying to find it or going out and getting it or even trying to work my schedule around those deserving of dating me in general. I am hiding behind this giant brick wall and I am not totally sure why but instead I accept it, which may be very wrong.

I did, once upon a time, put my effort into dating and I fell in love and was extremely hurt with the outcome. Could this be why I am the way I am?

Is it the fact that I put my all into a relationship and fell so madly in love only to be heart broken in the end? Or could it stem from my childhood? From my mother who made decisions that may not have been the greatest, the fact that she was with many men over the years after my father died? Or maybe it was the fact that after she cheated on my dad she moved a man in to replace him after he had passed away (sorry mom I gotta be real, I still love ya!). There could be many reasons why I am the way I am the question is how do I change it?

I would love to hear some dating stories or horrors? How did you guys get back out there? Have you found anyone to replace the feelings you once had for your child/rens father? Are there any tips on how to meet a man who would be understanding of our sensitive situations? If so where are these men?? lol

Food for thought

-Staci SMFS

Monday, December 24, 2012

Tis the Season!

The joy of the holidays are somewhat camouflaged as a single mother. For me planning for the holidays starts in September. Ben's dad and I begin discussing the holiday season in September and it takes about 3 months to finalize our plans. Where will Ben go on what day? Who will bring him to his grandparents in Acton? Who will have him Christmas Day? When will he see his Nana in Lagoon City? What day will he see his Gramsie? What about Ben's dad? It is extremely hectic.

This year was a bit more hectic then others as Ben's dad is showing a lot more interest in being a fantastic father. So our schedule went like this (so I thought) Ben's dad had him on his schedule weekend, which was this one, then he would drop him off on Christmas Eve day and come back on Christmas morning to open gifts from Santa with Ben.Well it didn't quite turn out that way, plans got rattled and Ben's dad decided not to spend Christmas morning with us which is fine.This weekend they went shopping, made a gingerbread house and went to visit his Grandfather in Acton (I ended up joining) then sunday night his Nana was over at his Dad's house and they did Christmas eve last night. Today Ben comes home with his Dad and Nana and we will exchange gifts then we are off to my Nanas to make Christmas Eve dinner and tomorrow to Bolton to see my Aunt and my Mom. Then Thursday he is back with his dad. Then we had to figure out New Year the last 3 years Ben's dad has not had Ben for New Year so I asked him if he'd like him this year. So Ben will go to his dads on the 31st and I will pick him up the afternoon of Jan 1st.

Im sure it is exhausting for any adult to just read that paragraph. So the question is, if it is exhausting for us to look at what is it like for my 3 year old? My major concern when Ben was born was that he would always be tossed around as his dads parents are not together nor do they get along so my sons dad is always bouncing back and forth. I had never experienced how a divorced family works as my father passed away when I was 8. My hopes were that my sons dads parents would come together after Ben was born and put their differences aside, this was the first year they did that. But because Ben's dad and I are not together it seems that my fear is a reality. Im not too sure how it will affect Ben in the future but it may be a positive thing because Ben sees how much family he has to support him and love him. My hopes is that one day my family and my sons dad's family can come together and celebrate the holiday together in one place. Here's to dreaming, but hey dreams can become reality.

I would love to hear other stories on how you make Christmas work with the other parent or the family in general? Do you have your child this season? Do you alternate holidays every other year? Who are you sharing this holiday season with?

From our family to your SMFS is wishing you all a very happy and safe holiday season!

Thank you for the continued support and keep reading! 

- Staci SMFS

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Judge or Be Judged

Did you ever hear of the saying "Oppression Hurts!" I never really knew what oppression was to the full extent until my first semester in the Social Work program. In class we learned that oppression was geared towards a certain group of people. For example, females are often oppressed against in the work field. I know what you all are thinking..."really in this day in age females are still being looked upon as lesser then males?" I was shocked to come to understand that females are still looked at as the ones who should be bearing children, making dinner, and cleaning the house. Another example is how we view the First Nations of our country..but I will stop there with the examples as you probably get my point and this may get a little too political. 

I was lucky enough to grow up in a city and with a mother who did not pass judgement on anyone. She taught me to accept people for who they are inside and not what they are on the outside. I think the 3 of us were lucky enough to be raised in the Greater Toronto Area with the influence of multiculturalism and the idea that family dynamics doesn't stem from a mother and a father in a white picket house with 3 children and a swing set in the back yard. Family dynamic to us was having at least one parent who cared for us, a family that loved us and supported us and friends whom became family. This generation is not about the white picket fence because in reality that just doesn't exist. This generation is about love no matter where it comes from or how its transformed. 

Some people may look at the 3 of us and shake their heads because we are single YOUNG mothers and in their eyes we made a "mistake" when we got pregnant and had our children. Well that my friends is oppression. Singling a certain group of people and passing judgment on what kind of parents they are to their children. The most important thing is that our children have at least one parent who loves them unconditionally, teaches them right from wrong and establishes healthy relationships. All 3 of us have been quite successful in doing that. So are our children suffering because we are single mothers? DEFINITELY NOT!!! All 3 of us have an amazing support system. Kimmy has a huge family and each person contributes to Laytons up bringing, not to mention his father is still a part of his life and implements some kind of parenting as well. Is Layton lacking in any way? NO he has more love around him than any one human being could ask for! Valerie had an amazing support system when Aliyahs dad made the decision to exit her life. Her mother was always there to help when needed and showered Aliyah with love, Val was surrounded by people who loved her and Aliyah. Aliyah did not lack in any way, shape or form! And now Valerie has proven "the system" wrong and has found an amazing man who loves Aliyah like his own and implements a family dynamic. Adam contributes to the family and adapted to Vals lifestyle and (aside from my own father) he is the most amazing man I have ever come to know! Then there is me. Ben has love from every angle of the universe and I am lucky enough to have established a wonderful friendship with his father. We have our own type of family dynamic. We celebrate holidays and birthdays together. We go out fro dinner or take Ben skating together and Ben knows we love him and he knows we care about each other but that we live separately. Is Ben effected by this? Not at all. He is one lucky little dude to have both his parents to support him and has an abundance of love from all his grandparents. 

Benjamin and his Family
Layton and his Family
Aliyah and her Family

Pictures tell a story and this is the reality of our lives. Our children are happy and loved! 

I know it is hard not to pass judgement on certain people. Clearly some reading our blog may shake their head in disappointment that we are young single mothers. That we should have established a well rounded relationship with our children's fathers before getting pregnant. Sometimes there are circumstances that are out of our control and if people took a step back to understand someone else's  situation instead of passing judgement the world might be a bit more peaceful.

Our blog is to help other mothers in need whether you are single by choice, widowed, teen moms, divorced or in similar circumstances to one of us. We all come from a different family dynamic and we all relate to single motherhood through our own stories as well as our parents. 
We are not here to judge or be judged!

-Staci SMFS

Friday, December 21, 2012

The ups of single parenting ->

Being a single mom, especially a young one, would bring that feeling that I was being judged constantly. When I was pregnant, I was 21 but I looked like I was 14 and for those of you who know me now, at the age of 26, I still look like I'm 14!

Granted, dressing in jeans and a hoodie with a toque doesn't help my cause! I've slowly just learned to not care so much of what others think. I know I am a good mother, I know my son loves me unconditionally and that's all that matters. I've definitely had those "Oh your little brother is adorable" comments which used to bother me, but now it's fun to just play along. When I left my husband, it became even more difficult dealing with the stigma of "young AND single mom". People have there assumptions about people like us. We automatically become irresponsible, out of control, neglectful parents. It's up to us to break that stereotype. Yes I'm a single mom, yes I have tattoos, yes I have piercings, yes I enjoy hanging with my friends and having a beer, but why does that make me a bad mother? Beyond that, I am a gentle, loving, attachment parenting lover who applauds long term breastfeeding, gentle discipline and the natural way of raising a child. I'm not saying I have a perfect, well behaved child but he is who he is which I'm happy about. I've allowed him to grow into himself and establish his own independence which has brought with that a LOT of disagreement, but it's all about time and consistency that will allow him to bloom into a rad little dude. So when we are at the grocery store and he has a tantrum, it's not my tattoos or piercings that are the cause of that, it's that he is 4 and very strong willed. 

hmm.. where was I going with this.... Oh right! Benefits of single parenting!

First and foremost, the one-on-one time spent with your child(ren) allows a unique bond to form. Depending on everyones situation, we are playing both the mother and the father most of the time. Let's just hope my son can find a woman as good as mom when he's older LOL

It takes a village to raise a child- this is even more true with children being raised in a single parent family. We get to experience a community, filled with people that will have your back. This is what we are trying to do with Single moms, fresh start. We want to have that strong community established to make our single mothering a little easier. 

Chores become necessity. Children begin to recognize the value of helping out which allows them to develop pride in their work. They also get to see their parent working hard to support the family, which sets a precedent for them. 

The list goes on. What are some of your favourite benefits of single parenting? 



Morning everyone! So good news... the world didn't end and doomsday is not upon us. HA!

Since we're growing in readership as we spread the word about SMFS and what's to come, I'd like to hear from some of you. Whether it's questions for either one of us or a topic that concerns you or someone you know. I know when Aliyah was younger I had so many questions on my mind but most discussions and groups I found online were catered to older moms and I found that I just couldn't relate to them.

On another note... I have a little question. What age is appropriate to let your child stay up for the New Years countdown (if they even make it that far into the night)? It's an exciting moment and I remember holiday parties growing up and us kids getting to join the adults with confetti and blowing those little noisemakers. 

Have a safe weekend and a happy holiday!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The funny thing is...

It's interesting how we can all have different views on certain topics...

The thing that Staci feels is the "one sting of single motherhood", is my "one BENEFIT of single motherhood". But you know what? It's taken me years to get rid of that aching "guilty" feeling you have when you're having fun without your daughter or son. You know the one I'm talking about... that little voice in your head when you're out with friends having a saturday night beverage at the bar that says.. "you're a mother, you should be home in the bath tub, knitting while watching reruns of friends". But I'm being completely honest here, you've got to grab those free moments when they come and take advantage of the time you have to take care of yourself. And don't get me wrong, those relaxing nights at home with a box of ferrero rochers and a good movie where Bradley Cooper is topless, are ones you should also cherish. But making the effort to brush your hair, paint your nails and get dressed to the nines to go out with the girls, really feeds your soul. Nothing feels better after a split then getting picked up by the hottie across the bar.

I am absolutely head over heals, devastatingly in love with my son. Of course I miss him when he is gone and can't wait for him to get home, but oh how I love my free time, and you should too!

When moms, single and not, get a chance to go out, it sometimes looks like this:


Sting or Cling

Ok, so as you will see all our situations differ from each others. Staci's position on this matter is very common and my view will be different for obvious reasons. Aliyah's father is not involved in her life. Not since she was 10 months old. Our custody agreement gave him specified days and times to have her. This was obviously short-lived and so I never got to experience the full-blown days away from my growing girl while she lived under the other parent's roof. However, she did frequent my moms place (who luckily lived across the street) or my dads some Friday nights. Being a single mom, without the other parent to share the responsibilities, can make you feel overwhelmed and extremely isolated if you don't get the chance to get out on your own. Interacting with other people (and not just the little one) is crucial... just watch the movie Cast Away and you'll understand. Last thing I wanted was to end up talking to my kitchen appliances or something!

I must say I'm extremely fortunate to have the friends I do because no matter what, considering my limited free time, they always made the effort to get me out to do the fun things we liked to do. I got to enjoy myself and let loose because being a parent -and a young one at that- didn't mean I had to give up socializing and partying. People assume that as soon as you bear a child, you're restrained from being the pre-child you. Everyone should be responsible and know their limits but free time is ME time and I'll do with it as I please.

Let's talk about that sting. I know that sting very well. I've felt it 20 minutes after dropping her off. That little pit in my stomach that somehow knots itself and makes me feel queazy. Any mom knows this and its normal. I've gone on vacation for a few days and you must be strong-willed to spend that time away because that feeling is recurring. It was actually Staci's older sister, Shawna, who reassured me that the feeling will actually subside and well... more relaxing as they get older. I do miss her when she's not around or if I happen to be away, but at the same time... CHILDREN need it, too. Spending all your time with your own children has its downsides. They rely on your presence all the time and can become clingy and too attached. We want our kids to be adventurous and fearless and explore the world around them and interact with others. You need to give them little bits of freedom from you to do this. Even if it's staying home with a babysitter... it's teaching your kids to build relationships with people other than yourself which will benefit them in the long run.

The One sting of Single Motherhood

I know everyone is on here to relate to the same situation. Single motherhood. Well most of us are single mothers we all have our own unique story and situation.

My situation and life goes a little like this. My son Benjamin goes to his dads every Wednesday night and every other weekend from Friday evening until Sunday evening. That is our legal custody agreement drawn up by a lawyer and signed by a judge.
Some mothers may be happy they get a slight break in between living life and raising their children and I can't lie sometimes I enjoy my time. It allows me to be me and not just a mom. But I seriously feel lost a lot of the time when Ben is not with me. It's an odd feeling I'm sure most can relate. I have become so accustom to having him around. Tucking him in at night and him jumping on me in the morning , that those days he is gone I feel a bit disoriented.

Thursday afternoon and Sunday evenings are my favourite days because I anticipate the minute I get to wrap that little boy in my arms and smother him in a million kisses!!
(Until 2 hours in and he drives me bonkers all over again!!!) LOL

Gotta love those three year olds!!!

Show us some love readers! Like our page on Facebook.

Thanks for all the love and support! Keep reading!!!


Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Has it really only been 2 days?

It hasn't even been 48 hours since starting our blog and we have already had a HUGE response. Thanks everyone. If we have already accomplished this much, we can't wait to see what we are capable of. The whirlwind of it all came on so quick and it's almost dizzying to think of the reaction we are getting from every corner of our lives. Maybe we should have waited until after 4 days before Christmas to get this started :D
This is what I like to call the Power of the Single Mom- The indestructibly strong, will full and determined minds who want to break through and succeed, no matter life circumstances. 
Yesterday Staci and I met up for a meeting to discuss the layout and format of our upcoming website. Not even 24 hours later, Staci had us in our first official meeting to meet our web designer. It went really well and we are excepting to have our site up and running by the end of January! Cheers to a job well done ladies

The next few days are going to be very busy for us with working on the site, developing our ideas, planning for Sunday etc. Sunday you ask? Let's give big ups to a great SMFS friend, Bryan Gardner for donating his amazing photography skills at our upcoming photo shoot for the website this Sunday! Yep.. 3 moms, 3 kids between the ages of 3 and 6, and one photographer. We're not sure he knows what he has coming to him but we all wish him the very best of luck :D Thanks in advance!
Also, our Facebook and Twitter accounts will be up and running this evening. We have a special Facebook contest coming up so keep your eyes peeled for details!
Until next time.
Keep singling on!
The SMFS crew

Monday, December 17, 2012

Admin, techie, foodie and lover of iPhonography.

Ello, ello ladies and gents (though I'll assume we'll be lacking those of the latter). As my co-blogger bitches have already introduced themselves and how they got here, it's only proper I do so myself.

My name is Valerie and I'm 27 years young. My story begins as a teen, when I met the father of my daughter. It wasn't a snowy winters night or a hot, sunny day on the beach. Nothing nearly as poetic or romantical as that. Basically, my friends knew his friends and I was called to join in on some nightly festivities. We met and clicked, but not as instantly as one would think. Even then we were completely different people, but sometimes when you're bored you kinda look for something different... am I right? We dated for a few months. He helped me move and paint my mom's kitchen. "Well, that's nice!" you're thinking? Let me continue. I wasn't that patient and he had a knack for being a "dumbass". We both called it quits (not that our "relationship" was anything worth noting at the time).

Fast forward a couple years later and -boom!- we randomly cross each others paths. At this point I'm sure we had both matured and he dropped the "dumbass" bit. We decided to give our little romance another go and this time we lasted over a year. After a planned trip to Cuba, lo and behold, we both end up with a an unplanned pregnancy. Confirmed by 3 pregnancy kits and a trip to the doc, any emotion you can name and I felt it. I went over and over and over everything in my head. I touched my stomach a thousand times as if I'd feel something reach back toward me. It wasn't until a heart beat, a simple heart beat, that changed my life forever.

I decided I was going to be a mom. Being a 20 year old with a bun in the oven along with the many uncertainties of life can freak anyone out... even that 20 year old. I told him I'm keeping the baby, with or without him. Next thing I know, we're living in a 2 bedroom apartment in the Corso Italia 'hood. My pregnancy is when I learned how to cope with fear and loneliness, though I technically wasn't. My tears, hormonal paired with lack of genuine love, were exploited to their capacity. It's the realization that what you thought could work just wasn't going to. Becoming closer and closer to my one true love gave me hope and strength.

That day came, November 9, 2006. Aliyah Yasmine, a beautiful (and well-toned, I might add) 7lbs 5oz little angel came into my life to set me free. And she did that, exactly 2 months and 5 days later. I finally  told him my chance to be happy was without him and I set off on my own. I can't take credit for having the means to leave right then and there. I struggled and lived with my mom for an entire month before Aliyah and I were able to venture out on our own. He chose to end his visitations shortly before she turned a year old.

I have an even happier continuation/conclusion to the story. Today, we live together with my boyfriend Adam, the truest of true souls I know. He has embraced Aliyah as his own, as did his entire family. I was always told of the fairytale but I never thought I could actually attain it. I did and forever look back on my journey as one hell of a life lesson. So why am I here? To share, guide and hopefully inspire in any way I can given these experiences along with those of my friends on here. Staci, a lifetime of friendship and shenanigans; we will always be there for one another. Kim, my dreadlock-lovin rasta masta with a flare for the wild. I love my mamas and you all will, too :)

Love for my fam...

and love for my friends. 

Admin...Creator...Colleague...Friend STACI

Well I started the blog thinking we wouldn't get much traffic but here we are and both my best friends/colleagues are embarking on this journey now with me and we could not be more excited!

Kim just introduced herself and where she comes from so I guess now its my turn since I have neglected to do so to begin with.

Who am I? I am Staci. I am a twin, sister, daughter, Aunt and most importantly I am a mother!

My journey began in London Ont while I was away at college. I met a guy when I was 21 and fell in love the minute I laid eyes on him. We didn't start dating until I had already moved back to Toronto when I was 22. When I graduated from George Brown in 2008 I decided to move back to London to be closer to my "boyfriend". We had a very up and down relationship and a lot of it had to do with the situation his mother was in. After 9 months of living in London I had discovered I was pregnant. We didn't take the news well and he was not willing to keep the baby. After much controversy I left London to be with my mother and figure it all out. I decided I was going to keep the baby and told him that he had time to decide what he wanted to do. 3 weeks later he had decided that we were going to move in together and make it work. We did! It was a picture perfect situation. We had a house on the lake and were very much in love at this point so I thought, until our son was born. He could not take the pressure and decided to leave us when our son was only 4 months old. I had no where to go or no one to turn to....the struggle was hard and working out living arrangements and custody agreements was next to unbearable. Again he cracked under pressure and left for 4 months without a trace when he came back to surface we decided on an agreement that fits us best and we have worked towards a friendship that benefits our son greatly.

My son...Benjamin Brian. A beautiful, blue eyed, 3 year old boy. Filled with joy, laughter and life. He loves to play any type of instrument, sing and dance. He is the light of my life and what I live for. I could not picture my life any other way. Like Kim said, when people find out I'm a single mom their faces turn to sympathetic looks of fear and they become apologetic for my "unfortunate" circumstance, but in reality I don't feel badly for myself. I have more then anyone else could ask for. I have a child whom loves me unconditionally for who I am, from morning to night. Who else has that kind of love?

So let me introduce my colleagues more so my best friends! Kim has gone into detail about how we met and to elaborate a bit, I would not have had the strength to be alone if it wasn't for her strength and influence as well as her charisma and positivity on the situation we both were facing. I met Kim in 2006 at wakestock in toronto. We were both looking for a good party and that is what brought us together. In the last 6 years we have been there for each other and our kids have practically grown up with one another. When I brought this idea about a self help website for single mothers she jumped on the opportunity and I could not be more excited to have her aboard!

Valerie!!!!! Well Valerie has been my absolute best friend since we were 12...more so she has been my sister. We have seen the storm together, laughed in the sun, gone through ups and downs and many roller coaster rides to get to where we are. Valerie was the first and official single mother of the group. I say this proud!!! She has a 6 year old daughter and has been single since her daughter was 4 months old. This young woman has accomplished so much and she stands tall, strong and level headed. I admire her and look up to her. She has always been my inspiration. So of course she would be the first I call on to take part in this wonderful journey in assisting to help young women of all kinds to succeed and embrace single motherhood. Love ya sista!

So now here we are the 3 of us about to take part in using our strengths and knowledge to help other mothers around the GTA or across the world for that matter to embrace this journey and realize there are many others like you out there struggling to do right and looking for answers. 

We are starting a website that will be launched in mid January. Please stay tuned for information on that. For now this blog will be used to share stories and chat about the ups and downs of single motherhood. Read along. 

- Staci 

Admin Kim... <- thats me!

So here I am. I have officially entered the wonderful world of blogging! My name is Kim, one of the admins here. I've stepped into this not having a clue about blogging. Staci had to go step by step with me to even enter the sight. Let's hope my writing skills are better than my site navigation skills.
Well first of all, I will introduce myself! I am a single mother. Most people I tell that to have an "oh wow, I'm sorry that must be tough" look on their faces. And you know what, it is tough, but rewarding, and I'm involving myself in this project with Staci to show all the other single moms out there that it doesn't have to be a burden! We are here to help make this transition easy, allow you to connect with other moms that have to deal with the same struggles. I have a lot of married mommy friends but there is a definite connection lost there. We are here to help relieve the stress and the stigma attached to being a single mom. Despite the so called "negatives" there is good in this, because let's face it ladies, men can be a big pain in the ass.

So here is my story... I was taking a cognitive behaviour course in Quebec and met a guy, fell hopelessly in lust (iffy on the love part) way too quickly and did the whole get pregnant get married thing. Now, I'm not here to bad mouth the father, so let's just say it wasn't meant to be. When my son was 1, I left the father. He quickly decided to move back to Quebec where he is from. I live in Toronto with my son. so you can do the math.. about a 6 or 7 hour drive. Now on my own, I decided to get my butt back in school and make a life for us. This decision brought me to Barrie where I went to Georgian college for Animal Care. After a couple of years up there, I decided to move back to Toronto. My whole family lives here and it makes things a lot easier. Oh ya... Let me tell you about my son! His name is Layton James. LJ for short... or just Layton. He will be turning the big 0 4 in January. He's a white blonde boy with big blue eyes and is in LOVE with the ladies. Beware of cleavage, because he does not have a problem diving right in. 

Now that that's out of the way, lets give a big round of applause to the delightful Staci! Without her, we wouldn't be embarking on this journey. We are all very excited to have the opportunity to help other single mothers like ourselves. 
So,  a burning question that is probably on your mind is, how do I know Staci!? It's actually a pretty great story. It was August of 2006 and we were hot, young, single and ready to mingle. We both found ourselves at the Wakestock kick off party in Toronto. I had actually gone alone in hopes to meet people to go to wake stock with and all my friends were busy that weekend. I went alone, yes, I know, who goes to a club alone.. Apparently I do. And I'm glad I did! I saw Staci there, thought I'd give it a shot and strolled right up to her. Me "hey, want to go to wake stock together?" Staci "sure"... and that's how it all began. With a weekend to remember! 
As you can see, the connection was made! Unfortunately, this weekend would be the first and last time I would see Staci for 4 years. Then one day, when I found myself husbandless and at the beginning stages of single mother hood, I received a message from Staci. She was a new mother of Ben, who at the time was almost 4 months old. And the single motherness for her was about to begin. Luckily we had each other to get through the times. And though we only had that one special weekend together, the flame never went out....
ok, I'm sorry if I'm getting all sentimental here... I'll stay on track!
It has been 3 years of us having each others backs and it's time for us to spread the love to all you lovely ladies out there. This is where life as a single mother will change! 
I'm looking forward to the adventures to come.
Thanks for putting up with my first entry...

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


Ok so I am totally new to this kind of thing. I am testing the water here so be nice to me.

Single mom here, as you can see:) Im 28 and i have a 3 year old son Benjamin.

So here is a break down of me and what these blogs will likely consist of. I am starting a resourceful website in the new year that is geared towards helping single moms get back out in society and get their life back into order. I know i struggled when i left my sons father. I couldn't find anything in one place. I called one number for legal advice, another for counselling, another for subsidy for daycare and application. It was a nightmare. It was hard enough starting a new life with a 4 month old but having to call 13 different places was just a hassle and most times extremely frustrating. 

The website i am starting is a one stop shop for anything and everything a single mother may need access too including access to other single mothers to chat with and share stories with.

This is an intro to what will be in the new year and i want to see how many people are out there that need or want to connect with other single moms around the GTA. I will also blog about the struggles of being a single mom and being in school full time and working as well as having a 3 year old boy as well as my many accomplishments over the last 3 years. The joys of toilet training and some tips, boys will be boys blogs, fun things to do around the city with your little one, I will definitely share some funny stories of my little dude and I'm sure most of you will get to know Ben very well through black and white. Id also love to hear about you and your struggles and accomplishments! 

Ill leave you with my thought of the day. "No matter what age, race, culture or religion BOYS WILL ALWAYS BE BOYS!!!!" My little dude thought it was a great idea today to pull his pants down and put his ass on my head and rip one on my face. Gotta love those boys!!!

Until next time...peace out!